A to Z challenge, day 3, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

C is for Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and I have a very special doggy to represent this breed; one who sadly passed away, only recently.

So, it is with great pleasure and a little sadness that I introduce Billy.

Billy lived the last 6 years of his life at Hilltop Animal Haven. A rescue that specialises in not only giving elderly animals a place to call home, but making that place as much like a normal family home as possible.

When Billy arrived at Hilltop, he was ten year old and decidedly overweight. On entering the house for the first time, his immediate response was to cock his leg up the nearest chair and claim this new territory as his.

He place as top dog remained from that day forth and not even dogs, bigger than him, were safe from a telling off. A quick nip from Billy would put them in their place.  

This beautiful little chap melted my heart from the very first moment I laid eyes on him and despite some of his quirky habits, he was an amazingly awesome little dog. 

Billy's two biggest drives in life were food and sleep and he often combined the two frequently falling asleep with his head in his food bowl. Sammy, the manager at hilltop and one of my best friends, told me a story of how she once came in from tending the other animals to find Billy in an over indulgence coma, curled up, fast asleep, in a massive bag of dog food which he had sneakily raided while she was gone. 

But, it wasn't just dog food that garnered Billy's interest. The litter trays at Hilltop also had to be carefully monitored during Billy's reign or any cat poop that wasn't cleared away fast was at risk of heading down Billy's throat. He was not exactly a dog you wanted to allow to kiss you, but he was still a real babe. 

Stair gates had to be installed to stop this little food thief from being able to access the kitchen because Billy was  a real opportunist, who was less than impressed by this no nonsense approach. Sammy and other staff at Hilltop took to monitoring his food intake and waistline. 

Still, Billy lived a life of luxury at Hilltop with lots of loving people to cuddle and pamper him; people who never gave up throwing the ball for him, even though they knew Billy would never actually give the ball back. 

Pampered and preened, Billy really did live the high life with all his doggie needs carefully attended to. Sammy even let him sleep, while she clipped him. Sometimes, I wish they took humans, too. :)

Billy won over the hearts of every one he met, but sadly his own heart was not in quite such good shape, as he suffered from a heart murmur; something Sammy tells me is a common complaint of this breed. His hearing was impeccable; however, and he never failed to hear a biscuit or other item of food hitting the floor. 

This little boy was amazing and I cannot tell you how often I wanted to sneak him out of Hilltop under my coat, even if Sammy insisted I would soon bring him back. He will always be dearly missed and has left me and I am sure many others beside with a permanent longing for a little Cavalier King Charles Spaniel of our own. 

R.I.P. Billy. You will forever be in our hearts. 

If you want to know more about the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel check out the video below. 

A to Z challenge, day 2, Border Collie.

B is for Border Collie.

Well it had to be, didn't it? Have you met loopy Lu aka Ludo?

                              

Yes, my baby. He's a Blue Merle Border Collie. He isn't the first Border Collie I've had either. In fact, I've been lucky enough to have several pure and not so pure collies and all of them have been awesome. So, I am a huge fan of this breed. Believe it or not, my lovely little De man (pictured below) is one of my not so pure Collies. His Collie side is very deep, when it comes to looks; however, the intelligence he has in buckets.

                               

So, what can I tell you about Ludo? Well, he is two and a half years old and has been a part of my family since he was the ity bitty ball of fluff pictured below. He was a present from my husband for completing and getting my first novel published.

 We'd hoped that he could also be trained to help me with a few jobs, around the home, that I can no longer do myself due to my disability; however, his mischievous streak and my softness meant we didn't succeed too well with the service dog training. This isn't to say he can't do the things I ask, because he can. Like all Border Collies, he is very intelligent. His mischievousness just gets in the way. For example, Ludo will help me unload the washing machine, pulling out all the clothes like a good boy for me and dropping them in the basket. The problem is, once they are out, Ludo will get this cheeky glint in his eye and ram them all back in, double quick. The miscreant!

 He'll also pick things up for me; but, when it comes to handing them over, he'll lay them down, keeping his nose close, and the instant you try to take it, he snatches it away and parades around the room with glee. Would I change him? No! Not in a million years, because he gives me something better than a helping paw, he gives me joy and keeps me smiling and that is better than anything else. 

                             

Ludo loves speed, too and does pretty much everything at a hundred miles an hour. He also loves people and is incredibly affectionate with everyone. If you ever meet Ludo, you'll need to be firm, because, if you're not, he'll jump all over you and his front legs and paws fly around like deadly missiles, putting you at risk of getting a black eye. :) Doggy people get that Loop's not trying to be mean, but the non doggy people can get a little irritated. So, whichever you are, if you ever meet Lu, just try to remember that he shows his love for everyone the same way he does everything; with great enthusiasm and excitement. At least he no longer gets so excited that he wets himself. That was a huge problem when he was a pup.

Ludo could probably be a lot better behaved if I was tougher, but he's so pretty and sweet, I struggle to chastise him and frequently give into his antics. He does know how to be calm and gentle though. If you watch him with my son, you'll see how brilliant he is in these respects. They're the best of friends and a prime example of that old saying, "Every boy needs a dog."

So, let's learn more about the Border Collie:

A to Z challenge, day 1, American Bulldog x

So today is the first day of the A to Z challenge. My theme started as dog breeds but kind of developed into a dog fest of mixed breeds and feature dogs who were matched to the days letter by their name, we've even got some Charities and rescue doggies, who are looking for homes too. How great is that?

As a result of this I have to say a big thank you to all the friends and a few friends of friends who offered up there lovely doggies for this challenge, as well as the rescues that have been so helpful. The result of which is a month long awww fest :) 

So we're starting off the Awwww factor, with a dog that is so cute you can't help but want to hug him. 

Prepare to melt as I let Karen Amanda Hooper introduce you to her beautiful American Bulldog x Shar Pei, Squishy.

Squish (aka Squishy Von Valentine) was adopted from American Bulldog Rescue on Valentines Day 2014.

I've had two other American bulldogs (my gentle giants, Rooney and Baloo--RIP sweet boys) who were between 90-120 lbs, but Squish is a miniature AB. He's fully grown at 55 lbs, so we think he might be ABR with a mix of Shar-pei (look at that squishy face!) Or, and I mean this in the nicest way, he might be the runt of a litter. But a super cute runt!

I first saw his photo on the ABR Facebook page and I instantly fell in love. He had the cone of shame on his head and he had just been picked up from the animal shelter. He had a severe eye infection and ulcers on his corneas due to neglect. Someone tied him to a pole outside of the shelter and the staff found him hiding in the bushes when they opened in the morning.

They knew next to nothing about him. Being the risk taker that I am, I didn't care. I applied for him before he was even officially listed for adoption.

We've only been together for over a month, and we've had LOTS of training to do, and sadly, some health issues to battle. Even though the shelter did surgery on his eyes and helped his condition temporarily, Squish needs another eye surgery to fix the issues that are still irritating his eyes, so he'll be wearing his cone collar again very soon (and he's not too excited about it).

American Bulldogs are such a loving and fun breed. Yes, they can be bullies (it's in their nature) but with a little bit of training and a lot of love, they can be obedient, loyal, and fun-loving dogs. Not to mention, very entertaining. One of the trademark AB moves is the "helicopter." They leap into the air while spinning. Squish does it all the time. He also does what we call "The Bucking Bronco" dance. That one speaks for itself. He "talks" to me when he wants to play or go out. And he's such a cuddler. I call him my teddy bear. 

American Bulldogs are strong and powerful, so if you are considering adopting one (rescue if you can!) please do your research and make sure they are a good match for your personality and lifestyle.

If you'd like to be friends with Squishy, he has his own FB page. Stop by and say hello. https://www.facebook.com/SquishyVonValentine

You can watch Squishy having fun in this vidio:

So let's look at the different aspects of Squishy's breeds. 

First for his American bulldog ancestry, check out the video below.

watch the video to learn more about Squishy's Shar Pei heritage.

Celebrate the small stuff.

It's Friday and that means it's time for a celebrate the small stuff post.

I've actually been slacking in these and a lot of other blog related stuff lately. I have been busy in other areas though and that brings me to my first celebration.

My first draft of my current WIP is complete YAY!!!

I am trying to wait for a couple of weeks before starting the editing process but really struggling with this right now as I just want to get on with it. On top of that this book is making me nervous all round. For a start it's Christian fiction and not having published anything Christian fiction before I am worried how it will be received as I know some people are instantly put off when they hear Christian fiction. Before becoming a Christian I used to be one of those people.

Now, I realise of course that Christian fiction can be just as good as any other kind of fiction. In fact Francine Rivers, who write pretty much nothing but Christian fiction, is one of my favourite authors now and is an absolutely amazing writer. If you haven't read any of her books you should, she's brilliant. Redeeming love is my personal favourite. Her characters are brilliantly crafted and the plots just Wow!

Which brings me to my next celebration this week. Their are rumours that redeeming love is going to be made into a film. A big woop woop and a mega happy dance. You have no idea how excited this makes me. On her blog Francine Rivers reveals that she is talking with several interested parties about the possibility. AMAZING!!!! I am a very happy bunny right now.

I found a video on You Tube that gives a good idea of the book. It's a fan made book trailer. They did an amazing job of it.

My third celebration, medication. 

I put off for a long time going on prescription medication and finally gave in a couple of weeks ago. At first it made me really sleepy and a bit spaced out but I seemed to have got more used to it now and so that area has improved. It's having a small effect on the pain, it's certainly taken the edge off a little but not as much as I hoped. Still a little less pain is something to celebrate right and this is just a trial on the way to finding something that does work so fingers crossed. 

on a silly note, I was a little unnerved when I saw who had checked my medication, an LOL. hehe.

Book week. Yes it's book week this week and my son wanted to be hiccup from the book version of how to train your dragon by Cressida Cowell. Look how cute he looks.

We'd ordered him a dragon from Amazon but it didn't come in time so on the Wednesday night we were in a mad rush to make him one. There were wings to but the refused to stay on his scooter so we had to opt for just the head. I think we did and okay toothless, (book version not film version, who is decidedly toothy but whatever) what do you think?

here's the book cover where you can see the book version of toothless that I copied for the head.

He went to school all smart looking and returned in true Kye style looking like a very battle worn hiccup, hat askew, dragon beheaded, and Viking sword broken, but he had a blast and that's all that matters. 

Hubby had a fight with a tree last week and as a result had to be off work for a week due to having this week already book as holiday he has enjoyed a two week vacation all be it a sore one as he badly bruised his foot. It was fun watching him hobble around with my pink spotty crutches at the beginning of the first week though, when he could barely put any weight on his foot (no pictures sadly, every time I tried he would drop the crutches and refuse to pick them up till the camera was down. Such a meanie lol). The celebration though is he is feeling much betters and a lot less sore now and will be backs at work Monday. Which as much as I love him I am very much looking forward to as I get my peace and quiet back lol. 

He has spent the last three days out playing with the car as he is installing one of those fancy sterios with the tv screen on which you can watch tv and movies, mobile connection through Bluetooth, GPS, reversing camera and all that jazz. Kye will love being able to watch movies in the back of the car so that's great, although I did put my foot down when Dan wanted to attached either the playstation or xbox too it. Dan becomes absorbed by computer games and I had images of being stuck in a car park for hours on end while he just completed this bit and then this bit and then... Well you get the idea. 

Last but far from least and this is a real big celebration item. The lovely Samantha Bell one of my all time best friends passed her driving test yesterday. Well done Sammy I knew you could do it. She is far more braver than I.

Here's the lovely wammy :)

It's been a good week this week and I've actually really enjoyed it despite some pretty bad pain days, so how about you what are you celebrating?

Love and hugs Joss xxx 

For those of you who don't know, Celebrate the Small Stuff is an awesome blog hop, hosted by The Vikilit's writing blog.  It enables the blogger community to come together every Friday and check out what everyone is celebrating this week. If you want to join in or find out what others are celebrating, just click the link (in blue above) and sign up to the linky link on the Viklit's blog.  :)

Progress

It's been a while since I've done a blog post and a lot has been going on. I have been writing up a storm on my current work in progress and have gone from around 5000 words to over 70k in less than a month. Which is epic for me. I can't remember the last time I got so enthused by something I was writing.

I think it has a lot to do with giving up second life. It is so easy to get absorbed in that game and it just isn't worth it. You just end up wasting so much time and money and it's so stupid really, but it did play a role in my life for the last few years as I struggled to come to terms with my dissability. I guess Second life gave me a place where I could be normal or at least feel it at any rate. I could walk, dance, ride horses, do all the things, normal people do. That's what's hardest about my back injury. It makes you feel as if your not normal. As if you are holding everyone else back and getting in everyone's way. It changes your life completely and nothing is simple anymore. 

For example: you can't just think, I'll go to the toilet now. First you have to ask can I get there without my crutches. Regardless of if the answer is yes or no, once you get there you know your staying there for a while, because your back can't take the return journey straight away. So then you need to think about a book or something. If your using crutches to get there you then need to take your bag to carry the book in and sometimes when it's really bad, you have to stop on route and sit in the chair in the hall for a while and that is just to go to the bathroom, so going out, takes even more thought and consideration. 

I understand why some disabled people give up and stop leaving home altogether. If it weren't for my son and my husband, I probably would have too but the need to be with my family and to do as much with them as was physically possible has pushed me to try and find solutions to my problems. 

Starting out there was my mobility scooter and it was brilliant. It changed my life dramatically and meant I could be a normal mum, who could take her kid to school, but it wasn't good enough for going out to shops. It was too big and incredibly heavy for my husband to lift into the car. So we got a wheelchair.

I haven't got on well with the wheelchair. I've never had very good upper arm strength and so getting myself around made me exhausted and fast. Being pushed just wasn't an option for me. I needed to do it for myself. I didn't just want to give in and let this beat me. I didn't want to be completely reliant on someone else being there to get me round. 

Recently though, crutches were brought to mind. I was sceptical they would help but for want of anything better to try, I rushed out and brought some. No boring gray ones for me, if I was doing this I was getting fun colourful ones, that I could feel less self conscious about. So I got these:

They weren't cheap and I researched the best make for not only long term use and comfort but for use with a back condition like mine. I was sceptical, I really was but now I've had them over a month and for the first time in years. I have been able to not only go out with my family without wheelchair or mobility scooter but been able to walk around, not just one but two relatively large shops in one day. 

Now this might not seem like much, but when you have only been able to sit in the car and wait while your family go into shops and explore, for the last 2 or 3 years, it is amazing to get to do that again.

It was a huge achievement for me and the first time was amazing for all of us. We were so happy and it was a very excitable day in the Solheim house. Especially as the first time, around the two shops, was achieved during a period that we classed as a bad day. Where my back was very tender. 

Other changes are my blue badge which enables us to park in disabled spots and on double yellow lines, which gets me much closer to the shop to start with and give me an even better chance of making it around the shop. 

Lastly there is my new pain medication. Yes I finally caved and agreed to Perscription pain medication which wasn't an easy choice for me. I had heard so many horror stories, but in the end the pain just became to much. 

It hasn't completely gotten rid of my pain but it has eased it. It has other effects to though. It makes me very tired the first few days I was taking it, I struggled to keep my eyes open.

Given a choice, no one would choose this but sometimes in life we don't get choices and we are forced to ride an emotional roller coaster. I'm on mine but I am adapting and coming to terms with it. Slowly. 

But here is where I want to get serious because here is where you can help people like me and it's simple. Don't stare! We are people just like you. So we had some bad luck, so what. Will get on with it and get over it, but that is made a lot harder when people constantly stare at you. It makes you feel judged. It makes you feel like you don't have a right to be out there in the world with all the normal people. Feeling like that, worrying about others opinions, has been the biggest and hardest hurdle to me. 

So look if you must, but at least offer a smile or a friendly word along with it.

I hope you all have a lovely day and I'll try to blog again soon. 

Love and hugs 

joss xx

Child abuse

Before I begin this post, I just want to apologize for a lack of content the last few weeks. As you may know we have been having some pretty terrible storms here in the UK recently and that's been keeping me distracted with other things.

My family and I are all fine. The weather thankfully has not really effected us to badly other than the wind doing a good job attacking our garage and knocking everything off the shelves.

For those in Cornwall and the rest of the west country that have been effected badly, I hope you are okay and that your family are well. I cannot begin to imagine the stress and devastation this terrible weather has brought to your lives and I hope that you are able to get back home and back to normality quickly and without to much further stress.

So today I want to talk to you all about Child abuse. While I was doing some research today for my current WIP (work in progress) I was brought to tears by some of the statistics that I read on the NSPCC website.

I'm going to share them with you here, but you can also view them by clicking the link on the line above.

• Police recorded over 23,000 sex offences against children aged under 18 years in England and Wales between April 2012 and March 2013.¹
• More than one in three children (34 per cent) who experienced contact sexual abuse by an adult did not tell anyone else about it.
  
  Four out of five children (82.7 per cent) who experienced contact sexual abuse from a peer did not tell anyone else about it.²
• In 2012/13, ChildLine counsellors dealt with 1.4 million contacts from children about various problems including, bullying, sexual abuse, violence and mental health issues.³
• On average, every week in the UK at least one child is killed at the hands of another person.⁴

 The above was copied directly from their website. First of all, I want to look at the last line. On average every week in the UK at least one child is killed at the hands of another person. 

One child almost every week. I don't know about you, but I had no idea. Why don't these children make it into the papers? Why aren't people yelling and screaming on their behalf? What? Are they not young enough? Cute enough? Were they trouble makers? Who knows, but how can we just ignore something like that? 

Childline counsellors dealt with 1.4 million contacts from children about various problems, including Bullying, sexual abuse, violence and mental health issues, in 2012/2013. 

Now if you don't know what Childline is you should. Childline is an organization here in the UK designed to help children who are struggling to have someone they can call for free, for advice, support, or just someone to listen. 

Childline was a massive support to me when I was a child and suffering abuse. When things got unbearable at home, it was Childline I called but like me, the majority of children who call Childline, probably withhold personal information because they are afraid of what might happen.

Imagine what those counsellors go through on a daily basis. Imagine having a child on the end of the phone, scared, injured, and in desperate need of help and being able to do nothing more than talk to them. It must be heartbreaking work and yet there are people out there doing that everyday. Amazing people who just for a short time, give a child reassurance because that's what they did for me. When no one would listen, when I felt completely alone and abandoned. A counsellor at Childline would give me reassurance that at least someone was on my side, that someone was willing to listen and not only listen but believe what I was going through. 

I was beaten up on a regular basis by my mothers partner, while my mother turned a blind eye to it. When I tried to tell her, I was accused of being a liar, even when she walked in and saw him throw me across the room with her own eyes, she refused to believe me, when I said that it was not the first time. 

years later when that same man, punched me in the face in front of her and tried to strangle me unprovoked, she still refused to acknowledge the fact that it had been happening for years and I believed her. I believed she had no idea what that man was doing to me. 

Until recently, for the first time in a long time my mother admitted the truth, came right out and said "I knew he was abusing you." You wanna know the best part. Despite saying she knew several times, despite telling me that she didn't know how I could still talk to her after all that she had allowed to happen to me. Despite all of that my mother turned around after a few weeks and started to deny it all again. 

All my life I had waited and longed for my mum to just say sorry and then she did only to take it all back again. 

Well there are children out there now, going through what I went through and worse. Children living everyday in fear and yet for the most part it just gets swept under the rug. 

People don't want to deal with the reality of what is happening out there on a daily basis to children. 

That on average one child dies in the UK every week. 

Don't tell me that no one knows, that no one see's the signs because I lived that life of abuse, people do see, neighbours, family friends, other family members, teachers even. People see but they say nothing. 

Here's a question for you, would it even do any good to say something? 

Look at Daniel Pelka. 

Look at this Beautiful little boy. Just 4 years old and he was tortured and eventually beaten to death by his own mother and I believe one of her partners. 

Teachers, doctors, police and social workers all were aware of this child and yet he was left there to suffer alone and eventually, to lose his life. This little boy looks very similar to my son, to hundreds of other little boys out there and he did nothing to deserve the life he was given and yet those who could of and should have helped him, did nothing.  You can read more about this poor boy here

But Daniel is not alone. 

Jack Harrison, just a baby. Was admitted to hospital showing serious signs of neglect, then released with no plan for his future care. When he died he had fractures to his arms, legs and ribs. What kind of monster could do that to a baby?

I could go on listing children like this all day, but instead I'm going to send you to another website where there is an extensive and heartbreaking list of beautiful little children, who have lost their lives, when they could have been saved. 

click here if you can bare it.  

Then what happens if the child is taken into care, do they get a happy ever after. Sometimes perhaps but not always, abuse within the poorly named care system is know to happen and on a regular basis. 

The NSPCC statistics go on to say that: 

• Police forces in England and Wales recorded over 28,000 cases of children running away from care in 2012.¹²

Now of course not all of them will be due to abuse, but some are and even so there is something seriously wrong within the care system if the children are running from it. So what? lack of supervision, lack of support, maybe even just a desperate longing for home, because despite what my mum let me go though as a child, I still loved her, I still do despite it all. 

Even in the knowledge that my abuser is still such a good friend of hers that she allows him to dog set for her. 

Child abuse is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, something needs to be done to stop it and stop it now. Abusers and people who allow their children to be abused need to be outed because right now it is far to easy for people to get away with it. 

well that's all from me, 

love and hugs Joss xxx

Express yourself

It Monday and for me that means it's time for the, Express yourself meme, check out others post here.

This weeks question: Is there anything  you'd like to change, or work on, about yourself, this year?

I've actually been thinking about changes a lot lately because, well to be honest, there are a lot of changes I need to make. 

The first of these is health related. When I had my son 7 years ago, it was decided that an epidural was needed, due to a very long labour that had left me exhausted. The epidural seemed to go well at first and was certainly a relief as it enabled me to get a little rest before the pushing began; however, a few days after the epidural I started to get sharp shooting pains, in my back at the site where the needle was injected. Over the years this pain worsened and I also started to get chronic back pain from just standing and walking. My mobility is now limited to walking very short distance, one room to another and I have to have chairs placed around the house to give me places where I can stop for a break when needed. 

I always had issues with weight even before the epidural. So much so, that as a teenager, bulimia left me so weak I ended up with double pneumonia and nearly died. Food was my constant enemy. An abusive childhood saw me, when possible, turning to food for comfort, then putting on weight and feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself. The result of which was my need to purge, which was achieved by forcing myself to be sick. 

My weight has been up and down for years but after having my son, it went up and up, until I reached a massive 38 stone,(532 pounds for my American friends) naturally my disability added to this. Having limited mobility and feeling sorry for myself because of that fact. I grew wider and wider. 

Then I decided to do something about it and lost 8 stone (112 pounds) relatively quickly. Taking me down to 30 stone (420 pounds). Then a difficult period in my life, saw me full back into bad habits again and the diet went out the window. 

I did get back to dieting again and managed to get down to 28 stone 2 pounds (394 pounds) and then fell off my diet again recently for several months due to some difficult times before Christmas.

By some miracle dispite no holds barred, binging, over that period, I have only gained 3 pounds and am now 28 stone 5 pounds (397 pounds.) but I am determined to get the weight down for good in the hopes that it will help ease the pressure on my poor back. So the bigest change I want to make this year is to lose the weight. I know I can do it, the right way now, the first eight stone I lost shows that. I also know it is going to be hard and that it won't happen over night. I certainly didn't get this big overnight to begin with. 

You know this is the first time I have ever openly come out and admitted my weight in this way! It's very scary but being honest about it is the first step in shedding it. 

Now according to the body mass index, for my height of 5ft8, I should weigh between  9 and 11 stone (126lbs to 154lbs.) That means I have to loss between 17 to 19 stone (238 to 266 pounds) yikes! I definitely have a fairly large battle ahead.

As I write this I wonder how many of you who read this will cringe with disgust. I don't blame you if you do. What I have done to my body is disgusting and that brings me to a question I have been being asked a lot lately. Why don't I just go to the NHS and get weight loss surgery? I want to cover this here, so it doesn't come up in the comments. 

I've thought about that option, of course I have. After all it does seem like an easier option; however, the NHS is funded by tax payers money. When people pay those taxes, I am sure the last thing they hope it will go towards, is an operation for a fat person and I don't blame them for that. No doubt their first thought is their own family. Secondly they might consider poorly children, cancer patience, or others who are sick through no fault of their own. 

The way I see it, my weight is my fault. Thus I am responsible for shedding it. That's not to say I think people who have the operation on the NHS are bad, I don't. In fact my sister in law had it last year and has lost massive amounts of weight because of it, as well as a lot of hard work on her part and it does take work, even when you have the op, because you do still need to eat healthily and exercise. 

But for me personally it is not a route I feel happy to take. I did this to myself and I need to undo it myself. On top of that, with my lack of mobility, I dred to think how much loose skin would be left behind, if I lost the weight as fast as you can, after the op. 

Loose skin is hardly anymore attractive than the fat. I hope to minimise that, if not irradiate it completely, by doing this the natural way. With healthy eating and whatever exercise I can manage. 

So that's change one, fight the flab.

                       

Change 2: be more productive. 

As a writer working from home it is so easy to get distracted by TV, books, movies, social networking sites and games and I do get distracted easily. I want to get into the routine of writing every weekday morning for at least an hour if not longer. 

My dream is to be a well know author and I won't achieve that if I don't get to work and stop procrastinating. 

                                 

Change 3: cut back on the smoking. 

Yet another bad habit that needs kicking. Trying to do that while dieting is never going to work but if I can cut back, then hopefully once I have lost the weight, kicking the cigs will be all the more easy. 

I'm doing this with the help of e cigs. Without nicotine in them and it's going okay so far. No promises on that one though what with the dieting lol.

Change 4: get past my anxieties and get out. 

I am so afraid to use my wheelchair in public that I stay in the car when ever I go out with my family, reading my book, while they go in the shop. 

It is horrible sitting there wishing I was with them but being to afraid to change it. 

People are cruel when you are fat, even more so when you are fat and disabled. The looks you get from complete strangers, because you are big and in a wheelchair crushes your self worth. 

It's destroyed mine. 

But I need to stop worrying what others think, because it is stopping me and my family from enjoying life, in the ways a normal family might. 

I'm not anywhere close to being confident enough to use the wheelchair in public, but last night I took a step towards being a little more mobile when I can't take my mobility scooter, and purchased some crutches. 

The hope is, that by using them when them I can take some pressure off my back. They will also give me something to lean on, when the pain gets to much and my legs start to turn to jelly.

Fingers crossed they help, if only a little.

So that's some of the changes I want to make this year. What about you? 

Love and hugs Joss xx

( ps. Being honest about my weight here was incredibly hard. So please try to be gentle with your words, should you wish to leave a comment. Thank you.)