Journalling

I have become a huge fan of Journalling, something that until the end of last year, was an ability I had been unable to grasp.
I love writing, have since I was quite young, and refused to let anything hold me back, even being told I was dislexic didn't stop me.
WOW!!!! I wish I still had that kind of motivation now.
See the thing is I have taken a lot of knocks and blows in my life, and been left feeling less than perfect.
So much so, that I had started to believe that it was better not to try, and thus never fail, than it was to give things everything I had.
You see I had the idea that as people already seemd to be of the oppinion that what ever I tried I would fail at, it was easier, to just not try, at least that way I couldn't hear I told you so.
Ok so reality check, they were proberly still saying that anyway.
Recently my confidence was boosted when I won the Mibit compatition, and got two short stories published in magazines.
Oh my god, I never cried so hard, and I don't think I have ever experieced shock like that, I truely believed that my Mibit would simply be cast to the trash can, so when I saw the email that said, I Jossie Marie Solheim had won, my heart nearly stopped.
And the tears were unleashed, and for the first time in a long time, I wanted to call my family members, I wanted to tell them what I had achieved.
I think, that was when I realised just how badly my family had distroyed my faith in myself.
How other people had destroyed my faith in myself.
I needed that win more than I had ever needed anything in my life, and it really boasted my confidence, so much so that I went on to send out two short stories, both of which were accepted straight away.
I hadn't sent much out in my life in an attempt to get accepted and certainly not for a long time, and so to have a win in the Mibit and then both of my short storys accepted, was a real boost, and encouraged me to dive into my Novel once more, and so Insane Reno grew and grew, it all just seemed to be moving so fast, and then the panic set in.
I had started to doubt myself again, I could see Insane Reno nearing compleation and I was getting scared of failure again, and so I stopped dead in my tracts.
refused to touch it, refused to look at it, certain that it was terrible.
I'm picking it up again now, slowly, the break helped in a sense, because having a break from it, and coming back to it again, made me realise that actually it really wasn't that bad at all, and dare I say it, pretty good.
Ok, honesty time, I'm really not a fan of tooting my own horn to strangers lol, but I was reading and I was thinking, wow, I wrote this.
It's so silly because I know I can write, I have been told that time and time again, by my tutors from the Writers (oh blah, and can not spell that word, lol. I'll just guess at it and hope you figure it out) buero, from people in writers groups, and so on and so fourth.
And I have sent out five things, (I know thats bad) and only had 1 rejection, (not so bad) lol.
That has to say something right.
So I've started working on the final draft of Insane Reno, and it really doesn't need much work, but I really do have to push through that fear of failure, after all, if I fail because I gave up, and didn't try, I'm only hurting myself.
So, tomorrow I will be working on cleaning up chapter 11.
I'm gonna set myself an easy target, aim for tiding up, just the one chapter, and anything else is a bonus.
Oh, I should probably add, that I will be trying other methords to keep me going, and if anyone who reads this plays secondlife, then I would be greatfull for your help with this part.
I have opened in world a small writers Cafe called, Jumpin' Jitters writers cafe, I don't know if you'd be able to find it easily in world, as I only finished setting it up today.
But if you search for my avatar jossie Tyrellium, in search and look at my profile picks there is a link to it there.
Ok, I should probably tell you how you can help, Well, quite simply come along, and write with me, I don't mean Insane Reno, but work on your own novels, your own creative pieces, or poems, I've tried to put stuff out to help inspire.
And even if your not a writer, there is an area set up for chatting and sipping virtual coffee and a reading area, where you can click for a selection of classic story's.
We also have a picture prompt each day for poetry, so there's lots to see and do.
And I love to see you :)
Plus, I've found it really does help get me in the writing mood when I see other people hard at it.
So come along, share some ideas, and meet me in world.
thanks for reading
love and hugs
Joss xxx