My week in review.

    It's been another week in lockdown, other than taking the dogs out and popping down to pick up some bread off Dan, as he was working in the village this week, we have been stuck in doors. 

    But it's been tougher than normal. I don't seem to be able to settle to anything and just keep jumping from one activity to the next, feeling like I should be forcing myself to do stuff, but unable to actually do so. 

    I've had low periods before, but always been able to shake them after a day or two, but this is different I can't shift it and I'm starting to think I may have depression and I hate it. 

    It's been like this ever since the Gastro doctor told me that I would probably have to be on Chemo for the rest of my life and that even if I had the surgery, I would have to stay on the Chemo. And not just the one chemo drug either, oh no, they were adding in another as well. 

    It's so stupid, why am I getting low about it, I can't change it, this is my life now for the rest of my life. I have to accept it and embrace it. And learn to live with it. And that's something I am normally good at doing so why the hell can I not do it now? 

    I feel like a failure, like I am letting my family down, because I am not doing what I always do. Smiling and powering through, looking for the silver lining and doing the oh so British thing of keeping calm and carrying on. 

    I mean I've never been great at the keeping calm bit, I've battled anxiety for years, but I had the carrying on part down pat until now. 

    

    Physical health wise at the moment, I am not doing to bad. My nose is full of sores and very painful and likes to randomly bleed throughout the day, and where my fistula in my abdomen is I keep getting some weird almost like cramping or twisting feelings, but they don't last long. I normally just have to adjust my position slightly and it goes away. Even my hair seems to be coming out a little bit less. Except when I have a shower, then for some reason I get a lot come out. The headaches/migraines seem to have stopped too, which is nice. But I'm just so tired and have no energy all the time, but I think maybe that's the depression more than the Crohn's though I can't be completely sure. 

    My tummy is pretty noisy and I spend an awful lot of time going to the toilet to find, all that's coming out is some of the loudest and longest farts you have ever heard. Dan always says, "You don't have to go to the bathroom every time you need to fart." But I can't help it, I've always been so self conscious about farting. And it's not like even when I go to the bathroom they can't hear it, we live in a bungalow, and the bathrooms not that far from the living room, it's just that it feel like the polite thing to do. Especially as some of them right now, stink to high heaven. It's likes something crawled up their and died. 

 

    Kye's doing better though. He's been getting on with his school work well and all of it too. The forensic psychology, that we are both doing together, as well as his touch typing course and creative writing course, which he just started this week, although I've yet to go through and mark his work for the creative writing course. 

    We've watched some films together too. The new Santa's chronical, one I forget the name of, with dogs and robots, and a place called robot city or something, Adam's family and Hotel Transylvania 3, Kye loves those Hotel Transylvania movies. 

    As you've probably noticed if you read my blog regularly, I've not been getting as many books read as normal either. I just can't seem to stay focused on them at the moment. Which makes all this even harder, because normally books are my escape. 

    So yeah, that it really, sorry the week in review posts are all so dole and blah at the moment, but with me still being locked down, even though most people in Cornwall are currently getting to enjoy tier 1, and feeling pretty blah myself right now, it can't be helped.

    

    I hope you are all doing well though and fingers crossed I'll be able to pull myself out of this and back to normal before too much longer. 

Love and hugs all and remember to stay healthy, because trust me the alternative sucks! 

    

 

News in review

Well it’s been a while since I did one of these, but here we go. 

So let’s start with Trump.

Yep that big dumb ass, giant orange toddler, has caught COVID. Do you think he has started downing the bleach yet? And wasn’t he yelling his fav two words “fake news” at the start of all this. 

It seems almost karmic that he’s now fighting this virus for himself, and unlike when Boris caught it, I’ve no sympathy for the guy. Not when he’s probably got the best health professionals possible fighting to get him fit and healthy again, when god knows how many Americans can’t even afford to get the health care they need. 

Thank god we have the NHS in the UK, where everyone can get free treatment and every life matters. 

I still struggle to understand what America was thinking when they made that guy president. Which reminds me of a funny piece Jack Whitehall did regarding Trump. You’re only gonna get the general gist  of it here cause my memory is sketchy at the best of times but basically he said something like this, you Americans love to do everything bigger and better, even your stupid people, in the UK we keep our village idiots in the local parks yelling at pigeons, but in America you make them president. 

I used to think, when Trump first got elected president that he had to be smarter than he appears, because otherwise how could he be such a rich man. I thought maybe he just acts stupid to throw people off and get them to underestimate him, so he could crush them, but not anymore. Now I believe that his grandfather or whoever it was who run all those brothels was the smart one, and Trump just has loads of butt kissers with brains telling him what to do, and hoping the twat heeds it. Because there is no way that spoiled orange toddler could run a successful business all by himself.

The dude is messed up, if something isn’t going his way he yells fake news or some other bullshit and just believe if he yells it loud enough everyone will buy it, he uses his money and fame to bully his way to getting whatever he wants and doesn’t seem to care who he tramples in the process and he’s outlook on life is archaic. 

But although I can’t stand the guy I wouldn’t wish him dead, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but I do think it’s Karma at its best, that he’s now caught it. 

COVID UK

So COVID cases are rising in the UK, I can’t really say I’m surprised, I think they relaxed things way to fast after lockdown ended, but I also understand why. The government was under a lot of pressure, businesses were having to close down and people were getting pissed off of being stuck at home and doing a Trump and throwing their toys out of the pram. 

I think the people more than the government were at fault in this. Not those desperate to save their businesses, I can understand that, but those yelling conspiracy theory’s about COVID, just cause it was fucking up their social life. 

Well now it’s looking like it’s gonna fuck up Christmas, so I hope your all proud of yourselves! 

The problem is, the world has become such a selfish place. You look what we were asked to do because of

COVID and how much we all bitched and complained, compared to what our ancestors were asked to do during the war. What happened to our stiff upper lips and keep on keeping on attitudes? We’ve been spoiled that’s what. And the worlds turning into a bunch of self centred, stroppy toddler, trump wanna be’s. 

No one can see the bigger picture, it’s just me, myself and I, and it’s awful. We need to start giving a shit about everyone and the greater good and not just ourselves. 

Now, finding genuine people who care is tough, most of those who seemed to be being kind during COVID were really just out for likes on social media and you could see that by the way they had to post about their good deeds all over social media. 

The ones who were genuinely doing it out of the goodness of their heart weren’t rushing home to brag about it, they were just getting on with it. NHS staff, delivery drivers, supermarket workers, etc, many of who didn’t have a choice in it, they were just doing their job, and probably, never in a million years imagined those jobs would become so important. 

And the crap some of them had to put up with us horrendous, I’d like to think we’ve learned something and if a second full on lockdown happens, people will behave differently, but I’m not so sure. 

But I don’t think we can blame Boris or the government in this, they’ve had a shit deal, and they’ve done their best, while trying to please everyone and it’s been an incredibly difficult thing to juggle. 

I’m just grateful Teresa May wasn’t still running things, because if she had of been there wouldn’t have been anything done for the regular folks. She’d have said screw the poor let’s focus on helping the rich. She’d have probably have set the hunt on all us regular folk, turned wiping us out into a sport. After all she has no qualms about going after the weakest members of our society, disabled people. Fucking hate that woman. A wonderful, kind and caring man took his own life because of her changes to disability benefits and he wasn’t alone. Others were left without carers and with no family to step in, starved to death, in their own beds, frightened and alone. Didn’t see that making it into the news though did we. Bastards! Anywho moving on, cause if I get onto that topic we could be here for hours with me ranting away. 

Flooding and weather warnings. 

The uk is awash with weather warning and flooding at the moment, and hasn’t it been foul. Strong winds and rain. We shouldn’t be surprised though our weather just seems to get more and more fucked up every year. And it’s our fault I suppose, we’ve messed up our planet and continue to do so. 

We’re pretty lucky, we get some flooding just outside of the village but nothing major. I feel for those who live in places that flood. It must be so frightening and devastating. 

What I struggle to understand though is why they keep allowing houses to be build on known flood plains. Surely that’s just asking for trouble and why they keep ripping up all the trees when building houses. Don’t they know thoughts trees help suck up water and can be the difference between places flooding and not flooding. Surely they should be planting lots of trees around new estates instead of ripping them up. 

But I guess trees take up precious building space and we can’t have that can we, plus it’s not their problem once they’ve sold the places is it. It’s that whole selfish thing again. 

I hope where ever you are that you stay safe and flood free this winter. And with 2020 being such a messed up year, I hope all of you are able to get through it relatively unscathed. Thing is, can we be sure 2020 is just a one off nightmare year, or is this just the start? Just a mere glimpse of what’s to come, because of our own stupidity and selfishness? Now that’s a scary thought. 

Well that’s it for today news in review. Please bare in mind this is merely my opinion and you are welcome to disagree, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments too. As usual apologies for any spelling or grammar mistakes, and any mixed up words. Joys or Crohn’s and brain fog I’m afraid. 

As always love and hugs too you all, and stay safe, and stay healthy, because the alternative sucks xx