Express yourself meme

Express Yourself is an awesome, weekly blog hop that is hosted by the lovely Jackie and Dani, in which, each week, the entrants answer a specific question, then we all hop from blog to blog, reading everyone’s entries.

           

If you would like to join in with this blog hop or simply check out all the other awesome blog posts for it, then click here.

This week, we are to share some first line, book openers that we enjoy. With my memory, this is going to involve grabbing all the books off of my "Shelf of Awesomeness" and having a browse, lol. 

So, after having a little browse, I've decided to cheat a little with this one by doing a small excerpt from the beginning of each  book, instead of just the first line. I will also be dedicating this post to the lovely Jane Wenham-Jones; not because she died or anything, just because she is dead funny and I love her writing. 

Let's begin:

1) One Glass is Never Enough, by Jane Wenham-Jones

Welcome to Greens. Kiss. Welcome to Greens.

How lovely to see you. Kiss. Welcome to Greens.

Welcome to Greens. Kiss. Now under sparkling new management. Kiss. (Whoops - don't know her.) 

Please help yourself to a complimentary glass of Fleur de Lys - our specially-selected house wine in red or white. Kiss, Kiss. (Mmmm. Ooh yes...) Welcome to Greens. (Oh, That must be his wife glaring.)

Do come in. Kiss, A warm welcome to Greens. Kent's Premier wine bar and... 

"A bottomless money-pit run by three mad women who don't know what they are doing."

If you like the excerpt, you can check out this awesome book here

What I love about this~

Well, I love how it kind of falsely makes you think, "Hmmm..." in a sort of, "...not too impressed by this" way, only to suddenly turn around and yank a chuckle out of you. Plus, it lets you know the story is set in Kent, and although I adore Cornwall, I also have a soft spot for Kent; after all, I was born there. :)  Plus, you have to love anything that involves three mad women who haven't got a clue what they are doing. 

2)  Prime Time, also by the lovely Jane Wenham-Jones (If you're female, you'll really love this one) 

Recent research has shown that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is drawn to men with rugged, masculine features. Whereas if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead...

I'm pretty sure I don't have to explain why I like this one; but, if you are intrigued to see more, you can check it out here 

3) Wannabe a Writer? - by(I bet you can't guess) Jane Wenham-Jones (What do you mean, you guessed? Shakes head.) 

I have heard many authors tell the story - with varying degrees of truth or accuracy - of how they first got into print. I have listened as certain of them have stood up in a roomful of writers, all of whom desperately want to be published, and have made it sound as though, when they very first tried their hand at the writing game, it all fell into their laps. 

Typically, they woke up one morning with this little idea that they might write a novel. So they dashed one off over the course of a few rainy weekends, found an agent on the Monday, were in a frenzied auction with ten top publishers by the Tuesday and banked their six-figure cheque on Friday just before they flew off to the states to discuss the screen-play. 

They seem touchingly bewildered by their overnight success. 

But not as bewildered as I am when I have known for a fact that the author in question had written three previous novels before the one that made it and had burst into tears at the Writers' Circle Christmas Party when the twenty-seventh agent had written to suggest she stuck to crossword puzzles instead. 

I have looked at the audiences at these talks, their faces crossed with a mixture of envy and despair, and thought how unfair it seems. 

I vowed, when I was a much-rejected wannabe, that when I was published I would tell the truth about how long it took and how difficult it was. 

Nobody fought over my manuscript. Rather, they unplugged their phones, switched email addresses, took long sabbaticals on the other side of the world and instructed their assistants to tell me they'd died of a rare and sudden tropical disease. 

This book, by the way, is amazing. If you haven't read it, you so should. You'll chuckle away and learn a lot. (Best writing book I've ever read) Get your copy here; or somewhere else if you must, but get it :) 

If you want to know more about Jane, you can check out her blog that has links to all of her social sites. She must be so busy, as there are lots and lots of linkys. 

So, that's it for me and my Express Yourself meme. I hope you enjoyed it.

Love and hugs, Joss xxx