Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Don't know what you've got till it's gone

So yesterday I got the second in the revive your marriage emails and it did not disappoint. In the first week we looked at praying for our husband's and things that we can use to remind us to do so, I have been using my wedding ring for this, but there are all sorts of things you could choose from. For me week ones challenge has not gone, as well as I had hoped; the idea is brilliant but I think perhaps I need to change the item I use for this, my wedding ring you see is something I am so used to seeing that I don't even register it, so I am going to change it to every time I see a van that is similar in shape, if not colour to his. ( I can hear him in my head now saying, that looks nothing like mine, every time I see one and pray lol. we have this running joke that I think all vans, cars and such look the same, long story. )
 This week's challenge was a really important reminder I think and it is as follows...

I'll be giving you a link to all this on the women living well site in a bit, but for now I just want to talk about it. 

In the email I received they talked about how, someone you love can be gone in an instant, nothing is guaranteed in life and none of us will know when our time is up. 

Every relationship, has ups and downs, the test of a good relationship, a strong one, is whether you can get through those hard times and come out the other side smiling. My husband and I continue to succeed in this, even if at times, we've felt it was becoming to much and have been tempted to take, what at that time, seemed like the easier route, yes you guessed it the big D word, Divorce. But choosing to walk away from your husband is one thing and often no more than a fleeting thought when times are bad, but what happens when you don't get the choice? When that person is taken away from you, when you're not expecting it, not wanting it, and when you can't get them back?

The thought of my husband no longer being here, the thought that one day it might be to late to show him just how much I appreciate him, really got too me and was a stark reminder of the importance of letting him know today and everyday, just how important, both he and my son are too me. So that's something I aim to try and do more now.

This email also made me wonder about people who have lost their partners and how difficult that must be. I, for one, know I would be a wreck, I just couldn't imagine being able to cope with such a burden. For my son, I guess I would have to do my best to stay strong, but with so many new responsibilities to carry alone, I know it would be incredibly difficult. So I realise that I am very lucky in that we are still a family, still going strong together and my heart goes out to those people who have lost their husband or wife. For they have been forced to be far more brave and strong, then I feel I could ever be.

As a writer, I try to imagine how situations in life would effect me and make me feel and it is something that I feel I have gotten pretty good at, in Insane Reno, I had Lizzy dealing with all kinds of situations that would have had me running for the hill, she too was braver than me. But the reality is that none of us can truly know just how much we can bare until we have to.

That's what I love about God, he knows what we can handle and what we can't, when we need someone to come along and lift us up and help carry us through a situation he'll make that happen and even if we are tough enough to make it through with just a little encouragement from our friends, he'll see to that too, all we have to do is ask and sometimes, we don't even have to do that.

When my best friend Steve died in a car crash, God sent me CJ, a man so completely different from me it was unreal, for a start at that time I was pagan and CJ was Christian, I was wild and CJ was sensible, I was up on all the latest and hung out in the popular circles and CJ was more big bang, (that's geek in a nice way, for those of you who don't know the show). but in short we were as different as chalk and cheese.

Yet that was who God sent to me and CJ quietly observed me, got to know me, listened to me and helped me to let all my pain out and once that was done, once I was a little calmer, he then set about saving me.

It was no easy challenge, the mere mention of God had me snapping his head off, but he never gave up, still hasn't given up, because although I am a Christian now, I still slide back to old ways sometimes and struggle to move forward.

God gave me what I needed when I needed it, I was crashing and burning at the loss of my best friend and he sent someone to help pull me through it, someone who in a lot of ways was very similar to the friend I had lost, in the sense that he was kind, caring, and willing to listen to my pain, not only willing, but wanting.

See with CJ you could always tell that he wanted to help, wanted to save me, that he really cared.

So when I got to thinking about this subject more, of how people would cope if they lost their husband or wife, I realised that, if God had sent me a special friend to help me through, when I lost my friend, then it was a given that he would do the same for someone who lost a partner.

It might not be someone new to their life and it might not be someone similar to the person they lost, but God would have it covered.

It doesn't take the pain away but it really helps to have someone on your side, willing to listen whenever you need support and I guess that naturally leads to how we should try harder to support others, when things are going wrong in their lives.

Loneliness is one of the most horrible feelings in life, not everyone is loveable, but giving people time and love can make a big difference.

As can one email, because all of these things I never would have even thought about where it not for week 2's email for reviving your marriage.

I hope it makes you think as much as it has me and also helps you to revive and/or strengthen your marriage. Now as promised if you would like to read it for yourself and I highly recommend you do, check it out here: week 2 Reviving your marriage

love and hugs Joss xxx

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