Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Don't know what you've got till it's gone

So yesterday I got the second in the revive your marriage emails and it did not disappoint. In the first week we looked at praying for our husband's and things that we can use to remind us to do so, I have been using my wedding ring for this, but there are all sorts of things you could choose from. For me week ones challenge has not gone, as well as I had hoped; the idea is brilliant but I think perhaps I need to change the item I use for this, my wedding ring you see is something I am so used to seeing that I don't even register it, so I am going to change it to every time I see a van that is similar in shape, if not colour to his. ( I can hear him in my head now saying, that looks nothing like mine, every time I see one and pray lol. we have this running joke that I think all vans, cars and such look the same, long story. )
 This week's challenge was a really important reminder I think and it is as follows...

I'll be giving you a link to all this on the women living well site in a bit, but for now I just want to talk about it. 

In the email I received they talked about how, someone you love can be gone in an instant, nothing is guaranteed in life and none of us will know when our time is up. 

Every relationship, has ups and downs, the test of a good relationship, a strong one, is whether you can get through those hard times and come out the other side smiling. My husband and I continue to succeed in this, even if at times, we've felt it was becoming to much and have been tempted to take, what at that time, seemed like the easier route, yes you guessed it the big D word, Divorce. But choosing to walk away from your husband is one thing and often no more than a fleeting thought when times are bad, but what happens when you don't get the choice? When that person is taken away from you, when you're not expecting it, not wanting it, and when you can't get them back?

The thought of my husband no longer being here, the thought that one day it might be to late to show him just how much I appreciate him, really got too me and was a stark reminder of the importance of letting him know today and everyday, just how important, both he and my son are too me. So that's something I aim to try and do more now.

This email also made me wonder about people who have lost their partners and how difficult that must be. I, for one, know I would be a wreck, I just couldn't imagine being able to cope with such a burden. For my son, I guess I would have to do my best to stay strong, but with so many new responsibilities to carry alone, I know it would be incredibly difficult. So I realise that I am very lucky in that we are still a family, still going strong together and my heart goes out to those people who have lost their husband or wife. For they have been forced to be far more brave and strong, then I feel I could ever be.

As a writer, I try to imagine how situations in life would effect me and make me feel and it is something that I feel I have gotten pretty good at, in Insane Reno, I had Lizzy dealing with all kinds of situations that would have had me running for the hill, she too was braver than me. But the reality is that none of us can truly know just how much we can bare until we have to.

That's what I love about God, he knows what we can handle and what we can't, when we need someone to come along and lift us up and help carry us through a situation he'll make that happen and even if we are tough enough to make it through with just a little encouragement from our friends, he'll see to that too, all we have to do is ask and sometimes, we don't even have to do that.

When my best friend Steve died in a car crash, God sent me CJ, a man so completely different from me it was unreal, for a start at that time I was pagan and CJ was Christian, I was wild and CJ was sensible, I was up on all the latest and hung out in the popular circles and CJ was more big bang, (that's geek in a nice way, for those of you who don't know the show). but in short we were as different as chalk and cheese.

Yet that was who God sent to me and CJ quietly observed me, got to know me, listened to me and helped me to let all my pain out and once that was done, once I was a little calmer, he then set about saving me.

It was no easy challenge, the mere mention of God had me snapping his head off, but he never gave up, still hasn't given up, because although I am a Christian now, I still slide back to old ways sometimes and struggle to move forward.

God gave me what I needed when I needed it, I was crashing and burning at the loss of my best friend and he sent someone to help pull me through it, someone who in a lot of ways was very similar to the friend I had lost, in the sense that he was kind, caring, and willing to listen to my pain, not only willing, but wanting.

See with CJ you could always tell that he wanted to help, wanted to save me, that he really cared.

So when I got to thinking about this subject more, of how people would cope if they lost their husband or wife, I realised that, if God had sent me a special friend to help me through, when I lost my friend, then it was a given that he would do the same for someone who lost a partner.

It might not be someone new to their life and it might not be someone similar to the person they lost, but God would have it covered.

It doesn't take the pain away but it really helps to have someone on your side, willing to listen whenever you need support and I guess that naturally leads to how we should try harder to support others, when things are going wrong in their lives.

Loneliness is one of the most horrible feelings in life, not everyone is loveable, but giving people time and love can make a big difference.

As can one email, because all of these things I never would have even thought about where it not for week 2's email for reviving your marriage.

I hope it makes you think as much as it has me and also helps you to revive and/or strengthen your marriage. Now as promised if you would like to read it for yourself and I highly recommend you do, check it out here: week 2 Reviving your marriage

love and hugs Joss xxx

Friday, 7 September 2012

Mixed bag.

Hello all, well I am slowly getting back into the swing of things, but have another bit of a mixed bag for you, based around a few different things that I am doing at the moment.

The first thing I want to talk about is week 1 of reviving your marriage, with with womenlivingwell.org. Now, my marriage is fine, don't panic, but this is just something that is aimed at helping me keep it that way and also improving on it, by improving myself a little.

So week 1 is all about praying for your husband and it has some awesome ideas on this, like using an object that reminds you of your husband, to remind you to pray. So that every time you see it you think "Oh, I better do a quick prayer for him."

I love this idea as I don't pray nearly enough for my husband, I'm using my wedding ring as the reminder as suggested. But you can use anything and this method could be used for other people in your life too.

For instance, my son is transformer mad, so every time I saw or heard about transformers, or maybe even robots in general I could use that as my reminder to pray for him.

My friend Sam is animal mad and works for a rescue centre one of her favourite breeds of dogs is the boxer.  So for her I could use the boxer, praying for her when ever I saw, or heard about a boxer dog and so on and so forth.

I just felt this was such a great way to not only remind us to pray, but to keep us praying not only for ourselves but for others, because pray is such and important part of not only our daily life, but a strong faith and connection with God.

if you'd like to read the article on this for yourself, here's the link reviving your prayers for your marriage.

I have yet to finish my Bodmin moor post, I will get to it, but at the moment I have had to put it to one side, things are just so hectic here at the moment.

Kye is back at school which is helping with my productivity levels no end, although to be fair, I did get a lot of free time this summer holiday as he spent an awful lot of time with his granny and auntie Lisa, what with Insane Reno being published and all the work I had to do in connection with that. He is very excited today as he gets to come home from school in a taxi.

Also recently we lost a dear family friend, someone who had been like a second father to me when I was a child. He suffered from diabetes and was not always the best at taking care of his illness which resulted in all kinds of complications. He was in hospital having had some trouble with his heart and sadly passed away in the early hours of the morning, thankfully it was in his sleep, so hopefully he didn't feel any pain. It was very sad news and he will be missed greatly. So that brings me to the topic of diabetes, if you have it, I know it isn't easy to resist the sweeter things in life, but please try to take good care of yourselves. Your life is to precious to let it just slip away.

Heart problems seem to be a big thing at the moment, as Michael Clarke Duncan, just past away from a heart attack too and my own father is not very well either due to his heart and so it all very scary in that department right now and has really made me think that it is time I started taking better care of not only me but my family too, when it comes to that department, so the whole Solheim family are going to be trying some new meals and setting up some new menu plans and eating a lot healthier, than we sometimes do.

It's all to easy to fall into the trap of going for quick and easy the only problem is when it comes to quick and easy with food, it usually isn't all that healthy and although when we are younger we think well it won't be a problem for years yet. Everything we do to our bodies now, can and will effect us when we are older.

So real changes afoot here and losing some weight myself, is never going to be a bad thing and though it is doubtful it will make that much difference with regards to my back, it will I am sure be better for it, if there is a little less strain on it.

Annie is coming along well and likewise, Insane Reno is selling well, I have had some amazing reviews for Insane Reno both on Amazon.co.uk and amazon.com,  and so am really really happy at the moment with how that is going.

I have had some great support and advice from other authors which is really appreciated and lots of people letting me know they are looking forward to reading Annie. So I'm still smiling and really glad I got over my fears about publishing my book and just went for it.

And please please  remember everyone, that taking the time to leave a review for an author on a book that you have read only takes a minute but can really make an authors day, so it'swell worth it :)

As for Ludo, he is growing so fast and is nearly a year old now, his training at present is on hold, due to me having had an awful lot of pain and a lot  more restricted movement at the moment, which of course makes it even harder for me to express or show him what I want him to do. So he is just enjoying being a little fool at the moment and getting up to mischief lol.

The kittens, Timmy and Tizzy are both doing great and getting so big, they are such sweeties too and Timmy has gotten over his shyness and enjoys a good cuddle, we even get purrs now, so it's all very good.

I'll be compiling a list of good books that I have read recently, for you all to browse at your leisure with in the next day or so, but for now I am off to catch up on all your lovely blogs.
Love and hugs
Joss xxx