Book thoughts: They lady of the cliffs by Rebecca Knightlinger

Blurb: Cornwall, 1285 CE

Now nearly seventeen, Megge and Brighida must endure another brutal loss. And as they perform the rites of transition that precede a burial, Megge accepts a daunting new charge that carries consequences not even her cousin the seer can predict. It brings visions. Dreams. And voices that come to her as she goes about her work.

A silken voice beckons her back to the cliffs of Kernow, which she has seen only in dreams. A commanding voice orders her back. And the menacing voice she’s heard since she was a girl is now ever at her ear, bringing a haunting new meaning to her grandmother’s words, “You’re never alone.”

But only when the tales of an old woman, a stranger to Bury Down, echo those voices and conjure those cliffs does Megge embark on a journey that leads to a secluded cove they call The Sorrows and a destiny none of the women of Bury Down could have foreseen.

My thoughts: another audio book here, again from NetGalley, but I just couldn’t get on with this one I found the narrators voice grating and just couldn’t get into it at all. And found myself forcing myself to keep listening. This one was not for me, I’m afraid. There was just to much to take in and my brain at the minute isn’t working at it’s best because of my Chemo. The writer does have a talent for writing that was clear and so I would say If the blurb sound like your sort of thing give it a go. But for me it just wasn’t working. 

Thank you to netgalley, the author and publisher for allowing me to listen in exchange for an honest review. 

Health check

Wednesday was double that dose day. Where they gave me a second dose of Infliximab to up the old dose to the new level. 

It went okay, although when the cannula was removed blood started spraying out everywhere, I’ve never had that happen before. 

I felt a bit tired after, but not as bad as I normally do, so I think my body is finally starting to get used to this stuff. 

I was also quite wobbly on my feet much worse than normal. Even my walking stick which normally helps, did not, as my arms were so shaking trying to hold it still was impossible. Then yesterday afternoon I started feeling amazing, like I was full of energy, something I have not felt for a long time, is this the Infliximab actually working? 

The only problem was that if I moved to quickly I got dizzy and when I was getting too hyped up, a headache started. 

I had three seizures in the night after the infusion and poor Dan didn’t get a lot of sleep for worrying. 

But all in all I think I am doing okay. I was expecting to feel really drained for longer than normal because of the double dose, but it didn’t happen. 

Dan said that may be different next time as the full

Double dose is going in all at once but only time will tell I guess. 

Love and hugs joss xx and remember stay healthy cause the alternative sucks. Xxx

Book thoughts: All your little lies by Marianne Holmes

Blurb: When everything you say is a lie, can you even remember the truth?

Annie lives a quiet, contained, content life. She goes to work. She meets her friend. She’s kind ofin a relationship. She’s happy. Not lonely at all.

If only more people could see how friendly she is — how eager to help and please. Then she could tick “Full Happy Life” off her list. But no one sees that side of Annie, and she can’t understand why.

That all changes the night Chloe Hills disappears. And Annie is the last person to see her.

This is her chance to prove to everybody that she’s worth something. That is, until she becomes a suspect.

My thoughts: The first thing that really stood out to me about this book was the main character Annie, she’s so awkward and tragic. It’s like she has no filter, stuff just comes out and is often taken the wrong way and you find yourself constantly imploring her to just, stop talking. 

Her best friend Lauren isn’t much of a friend either. It feels like she simply tolerates Annie, either out of a sense of duty or pity. And Annie is strange there is no denying that, but it’s baffling at first, like okay she constantly puts her foot in it and says the strangest things at times and comes across as quite awkward but there is more too it than that, people seem to be naturally repelled by her and very quickly. And you feel sorry for her and want to know why as you can’t quite pinpoint it yourself. So that alone could keep you reading but also the flow of the story is nice, it’s gentle and steady, but intriguing, and you know there is more going on than meets the eye, not just with Annie as she is now, but something in her past too. The way her mother is with her, and perhaps Lauren too, and you wonder, what do they know, that I don’t yet? It’s very well done though, subtle and clever.

This is an intriguing and clever story and kept me hooked throughout. I definitely recommend it. 

Thanks to NetGalley , Marianne Holmes and her publisher for allowing me to read this one for free in exchange for an honest review. 

Book thoughts: Skunk and Badger, by Amy Timberlake.

 

The blurb: Wallace and Gromit meets Winnie-the-Pooh in a fresh take on a classic odd-couple friendship, from Newbery Honor author Amy Timberlake with full-color and black-and-white illustrations throughout by Caldecott Medalist Jon Klassen.

No one wants a skunk.

They are unwelcome on front stoops. They should not linger in Important Rock Rooms. Skunks should never, ever be allowed to move in. But Skunk is Badger's new roommate, and there is nothing Badger can do about it.

When Skunk plows into Badge's life, everything Badger knows is upended. Tails are flipped. The wrong animal is sprayed. And why-oh-why are there so many chickens?

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

Newbery Honor author Amy Timberlake spins the first tale in a series about two opposites who need to be friends.

Skunk and Badger is an audiobook you'll want to listen to again and again.

My thoughts: This one is a bit different from my norm, as Kye and I listened to the audio book version of it. It;'s tells the tale of two very different stories forced to live together, and shows that friendships can blossom in the most unlikely places. 

The narrator was very animated and added in the voices for the animals, which my son loved, as most kids would, I found it a little grating at times, but it could get very loud and anyone who knows me knows I like peace and quiet. 

Which is why I related to badger best, while Kye, typical kid, preferred Skunk and all his mayhem. It's a great little book for teaching kids about differences and compromise though and It had Kye laughing throughout. So I do think it's a book/audio book that most kids would enjoy, and as that is the intended market. I give this one 5 stars. 

Thank you to NetGalley, Amy TImberlake, and her publishers for allowing us a free recording of this, in exchange for an honest review. 

Book thoughts: They skylark’s secret by Fiona Valpy

The blurb: 

Loch Ewe, 1940. When gamekeeper’s daughter Flora’s remote highland village finds itself the base for the Royal Navy’s Arctic convoys, life in her close-knit community changes forever. In defiance of his disapproving father, the laird’s son falls in love with Flora, and as tensions build in their disrupted home, any chance of their happiness seems doomed.

Decades later, Flora’s daughter, singer Lexie Gordon, is forced to return to the village and to the tiny cottage where she grew up. Having long ago escaped to the bright lights of the West End, London still never truly felt like home. Now back, with a daughter of her own, Lexie learns that her mother—and the hostile-seeming village itself—have long been hiding secrets that make her question everything she thought she knew.

As she pieces together the fragments of her parents’ story, Lexie discovers the courageous, devastating sacrifices made in her name. It’s too late to rekindle her relationship with her mother, but can Lexie find it in her heart to forgive the past, to grieve for all that’s lost, and finally find her place in the world?

My thoughts: I read one of Fiona’s books fairly recently, The dressmakers gift’s. It seems Fiona’s style is to start slow and gently ease you into her fictional world. A little too slow for me in my present mood. 

There is no denying that Fiona is a very talented writer, and normally I would love reading her books, but at present due to how tired I am most of the time because of my Crohn's if the book isn't fast paced with lots going on, my thoughts tend to start drifting. 

As with the dressmakers gift this is a book I would want to go back and reread when I am a little more with it. 

This book tells the story of Lexi, in the 1970's and her mother back in the 1940's. Lexi is trying to learn more about her father, a subject her mother was always somewhat reluctant to discuss. When her mother passes away, she  returns to her childhood home, with her child and finding herself in a similar situation to her mother, sets out to find out the truth about her fathers side of the family, But it's no easy task, as she finds it difficult to get her mothers two best friends to open up. 

So the story jumps between Lexi's life and her mothers, and in her mothers we slowly began to hear Flora's story, while poor Lexi still remains oblivious. 

It's an interesting read, with a lot of great historical information. The second world war is clearly a subject Fiona is very knowledgeable about. 

I think she is definitely an author that it is worth giving a try, and I apologise for not being able to give the book the attention it deserves at present but I will go back and reread once, my head is in a better place. Sadly, I'm not sure when that will be at the moment, due to the Chemo, and as always apologies for any error I might have made I sometimes get names and words muddled these days. 

Thank you to Netgalley, FIona Valpy and her publishers for allowing me the change to read and advance copy. And I promise I will reread at some point and rereview, when my head is in a better place. 

That said I did find the story very relaxing, and interesting. So it is indeed worth a read. 

My week in review

It's been a hell of a week, and I don't mean that in a good way. Kye has been an absolute nightmare, he seems to be reverting back to old ways, but I can't figure out why. 

The problem now of course is the tinniest bit of stress and my head starts pounding and that's my forewarning, usually that I'm at risk of passing out or having a seizure, which means I have to try and destress pretty quickly, not easy when Kye's seems to be on a one boy mission, to take me into stressagedon. 

 Perhaps that's where the problem is, last time I had a seizure from him acting out, he was so good, once it happened. I mean, it scared the crap out of him, naturally but he was very responsible about how he handled it, once I came round he helped me sit up, got my phone for me, so I could ring Dan and we were all really proud of him, because that's a lot for a kid to deal with, especially being here on his own with me when it happened. 

Problem is, is he now trying to duplicate that situation, in order to again get that praise? Because that is how Kye works sometimes. He doesn't think in the same way that others do, of the risks etc, he just thinks of the outcome he wants.

    

That's why it can be so difficult to understand Kye’s thought process. 

I’m also pretty lousy at following the steps we were given for managing Kye's behaviour. We're not meant to give him attention for any negative behaviour, just put him in his room, until he is ready to stop. But when he is like this, I feel like if I put him in his room every time, he'll never leave it. Because as soon as you go back to check and see if he is ready to behave, he just starts acting out again.

 

But I am desperate to find a solution before Wednesday when I have this extra infusion, because once I have that I'm gonna be exhausted for a few days, and it's gonna be even harder to cope with Kye's behaviour. 

 This is one of the area's I really struggle with my Crohn's, because Kye has Asperger's and CU, he's not an easy child at times. Now, I'm responsible for him, on my own through the day, because his dad has to work, so we can live, and because, Kye and School was a complete disaster. Making home school pretty much the only option, especially as I can't drive. And we live in a very rural location. 

   

 And we were doing okay with that, I mean don't get me wrong it's never been easy, because Kye is not easy, but it was working, we were figuring it out and he was back to getting good grades and blah blah blah. But, you know, I figured we already had enough to cope with, with that, without adding in all this Crohn's BS. 

 But here we are, diagnosed with severe fistulated Crohn's, cause god forbid I should do anything by half.

And having to make regular trips to the hospital, which is almost an hour away from us by car, for infusions and tests and blah blah blah, all of which Dan has to take a day off work for. 

And suddenly everything is so much harder. I’m not gonna lie it’s a lot to cope with. A hell of a lot. But it’s got to be done. 

 I mean look at the stricture situation. I should have been in hospital. No questions I should, but I couldn’t let that happen, who was gonna look after Kye. 

 Now, my mum would have done it, but that’s not really a viable option for me, I have my reasons, it’s not something I can really say here, beyond there being someone in her environment, who has a very short fuse and has been know to not deal well with the sort of BS Kye can throw out.

Sammy of course is also an option, she’s and awesome friend and doesn’t take no shit, and would be fine to look after Kye, but her location would make it difficult for Dan as he starts work super early.

 End of the day, there are options I just know that people are gonna be put out by them and I don’t want to put them in that situation, so I’d rather soldier on at home as best I can as long as I can, when possible. 

   

And it was fine, I’m in remission again now and the stricture seems to have stretched. So all well that ends well, but at the time, with how much pain I was in there were times I was sure I couldn’t take much more. That I had no choice but to cave and go in, but I kept pushing through it, one day at a time, just praying the pain would end soon, and thank god it did.

Now, this infusion on Wednesday I’m assuming will be the same as the other as they are just giving me the usual dose, to top the one I already had up to the new double dose. So the tiredness and instability on my feet should only last a few days. But I am concerned about when I’m having the new dose all in the one hit. How long will that leave me exhausted for?

I already feel as if I am asking way too much of Dan and Kye. I mean Dan works all day and comes home and cooks, and he won’t listen when I say I can do it, which is really frustrating. On top of that he isn’t sleeping well for worrying. And having to take so many days of work put strain on the finances and as the only one working, that means even more pressure on him.

And this year we’ve not had the rallies, but how are we going to do them now if he is using up all his holiday time, on taking me to the hospital? The rallies are his way to unwind and feel like all his hard work was for something more than just surviving. 

It’s just all so frustrating! 

Then to top that all off my laptop has reached an age where it no longer seems to be able to cope with updated programmes and such. It even struggles to connect to the internet. 

I asked Dan if I could have a new one for Christmas. At least new to me, it will be second hand because we can’t afford brand new. 

But Dan was like, get it now, cause you need it, it can just be an early Christmas present.

Which is fine, but I know nothing about computers, and have no idea if the stuff I am looking at can do what I need or if the person is asking a fair price, or even how old the thing is. 

Why can’t they just say this laptop is so many years old, it will play things like Netflix and is pretty quick blah blah blah instead of all the specification shit, that means absolutely nothing to me.

I just want something basic that will play Netflix, that I can do my blog posts on, browse the web, work on documents, and send my photos from my phone too. That’s it. And I have about £200 quid to spend. At a push I can always not be able to send my photos too it and do that instead to Dan’s PC. 

Dan say’s he go to curry’s pc world while we are in Barnstable for my infusion and see what they have on offer, refurbished. Because at least there you can tell them what you need it to be able to do. 

I would rather my old one be fixable, but Dan doesn’t think that is likely as it’s 11 years old now. 

Well that’s pretty much it for this week. Sorry it’s a bit late being posted I did start it on Monday, but didn’t manage to get it finished.

Hope you are all well. 

Love and hugs 

Joss xxx

Until death do us part!

So I came across this really interesting story this morning, while up at stupid o’clock and I thought I would share it, and some other interesting tales around the same theme, which is death and burials. 

First of all we are heading to Natchez city cemetery, Natchez, Mississippi.

Now there are two interesting story’s here, the first is that of Florence Irene Ford. 

So Florence was a little girl who was born on the 3rd of September 1861, sadly she was not destined to have a long life and died in 1871 aged just 10 years old, from yellow fever. 

Her mother clearly distraught, wasn’t prepared to just bury her daughter and forget. And remembering how terrified her little girl was of storms and how she has always comforted her at such times, she determined that she must continue to do the same, even in death, and so mother, Ellen, commissioned a very unique grave for her daughter, one where she could continue to comfort her daughter, when a storm rolled in. 

So Florence’s casket was fitted with a small glass window, and behind her headstone lay a set of metal doors, beneath which were stairs leading to her daughters casket. 

When a storm filled in her mother would rush to her grave, enter through the the metal doors and close them behind her, so that she might continue to comfort her daughter even in death, singing and reading to her presumably until her own death.

And visitors to Natchez city cemetery can still visit Florence and sit and comfort her through a storm, however, the glass window into her coffin has now been walled off with concrete, to protect her resting place from vandals. 

But how devoted must her mother be, and despite her early death it is clear that Florence was a lucky girl to have such a devoted mother. 

Also in the Natchez city cemetery, you can find the turning angel statue. Who watches over five, young female employees, who were the unfortunate victims of a gas explosion on the 14th of March 1908, in the basement of the Natchez drug company. 

The victims tombstones are marked only with the last names and the youngest was just 12 years old. But their former employer was said to be so distraught by the accident and resulting casualties, that he paid for all of the women’s burial plots and then commissioned the stone angel to stand over their places of rest. 

However, the angel has developed a reputation all of her own, as people have reported that the angel seems to turn to watch people and cars as they pass by!

There is even a book named after the angel, written by a local author, Greg Iles. 

The final story takes us to a new location. The Evergreen cemetery, in New Haven, Vermont and a Doctor, Timothy Clark Smith. 

Doctor Timothy Clark Smith has a fear know as Taphephobia. Which is a fear of being buried alive. An apparently pretty common fear during the 18th and 19th centuries, and with good reason, given that it was well known that people who were very sick, were often pronounced, incorrectly as being dead, by their doctors. There was even a name for it, Lazarus syndrome, which is described as “the spontaneous return of circulation, after failed attempts to resuscitation.”

Now, this was pretty scary stuff, and coffins that had been exhumed, often showed signs of scratch marks on the inside of their lids, where those inside had essentially awoken, and in an understandable panic, tried to claw their way out. So violently that the bodies were found to have broken fingernail and bloody hands, while their faces were contorted with fear, can you imagine!!

So, when Doctor Timothy Clark Smith died in 1893, clearly aware of these cases, he had put in place measures to ensure he did not suffer the same fate, by arranging to have some rather special features built into his burial chamber. 

The first of which was a long air tube, that emerged close to his grave, along with a four foot square window that was part of the lid of his coffin, and weirdly at ground level, so that passers by could actually see his body, a bell presumably so he could summon help, should he be struggling extricate himself from his tomb and a hidden stair case, so that should he awaken he and I guess manage to free himself, he could just get up and walk on out of there. 

Sadly that was not to be however, as it turns out Doctor Timothy Clark Smith, was indeed dead. 

I can’t help wondering though if perhaps ones if Doctor Timothy Clark Smith own patients had fallen foul of his miss diagnosis and he was a believer in Karma or something lol. 

Either way what a creepy thought, and I can’t help wondering if his peep hole into his grave was ever blocked up, as sweet young Florence’s was or if people can still gaze down on his bones in repose. Creepy! 

Given the time of year this is kind of a fitting topic too. 

Do you know of any unusual burial tales, is so feel free to share them in the comments, and if you’ve visited the doctors grave and know the answer to whether he is still on display or not, again let me know. Although feel free to keep any photos you may have snapped, to yourself. 

Love and hugs all

Joss xx

Book thoughts: a home for unloved orphans by Rachel Wesson

The blurb: Virginia, 1933: Her heart broke as she took in the scene before her. There were too many orphans and not enough beds. The rags they wore barely covered them and they hadn’t eaten in days. How could anyone let innocent children live like this? She picked up a tiny girl who’d cried as she moved past her cot. “I’ll be back soon, little one.”

Never in a million years did Lauren Greenwoodthink she would be destitute and without a penny to her name. But when her father mercilessly disowns her in the depths of winter, that is her fate. Now homeless, Lauren finds America in the devastating grip of the Great Depression––children run wild in the icy streets, endless queues for soup kitchens line frosty sidewalks, and desperation hangs in the air.

All alone in the world, Lauren finds an orphanage in the sprawling fields of the Virginia countryside, surrounded by snow-topped mountains and magnificent fir trees––a safe haven for those who have nowhere to go. But she is appalled to find children living in shocking conditions, huddled together for warmth, their hunger keeping them awake at night as the temperature plunges. The home for unloved orphans is on the brink of closure and the helpless innocents may lose the roof over their heads…  

Lauren, heartbroken by the rejection of her own father, vows to provide these poor orphans with the love she never received. With Christmas just around the corner, she refuses to see them cast out onto the street, where they will not survive. When she sees an advertisement in the local newspaper, with an anonymous benefactor donating money to families crippled by the Depression, it could be the answer to her prayers.

Can Lauren save these children who have been rejected by the world? Or in a time of so much suffering, is there simply no hope?

My thoughts: This book takes an accurate glance of the life of a young woman from a well to do family, in the early 19 hundreds.

Intelligent and kind, and desperate to help others less fortunate than her, Lauren finds herself trapped by her fathers plans for her future, ones intended to bolster is own, with no regards at all, to his daughters feelings, or future happiness. 

When we look back at the past, we often look on the wealthy with scorn, forgetting that for many women of that period, wealth was no blessing but often a curse. Forced to pursue activities, deemed acceptable for a young lady, and allowed enough of an education to be left yearning for more. Many found life boring and repetitive, and ended up being nothing more than pretty ornaments to adorn some mans arm, pawns in their parents attempts at bettering their own status, or connections, or a way for some man to gain better standing in society. 

Many were often desperate to help those around them who were less fortunate, but were forbidden to do so, And were forced to sit in rooms with stuffy women and converse on bland subjects. 

If they tried to join in with the more intellectual or political conversations of the men, they were made to feel small, or stupid and told that it was something, that they of women should not worry their pretty little heads about. 

Once married off many suffered abusive partners with no means of escape. Divorce was not an option. 

For Lauren, her devotion for her father soon sours as she begins to see that the man she had so admired, is in fact cruel, manipulative and willing to sink very low in order to continue to amass greater wealth. 

Even his own daughter becomes a pawn in his bid for greater wealth. And Lauren finds herself being force to marry a man who disgusts her and who, even before their marriage, begins to beat her mercilessly, while her father, excuses his behaviour and even try’s to lay the blame at his daughters door. 

Raised to be kind and passionate about helping others by her nanny, after her mother died when she was a young child,  Lauren is heartbroken to discover that her father, is responsible for cutting wages, ripping businesses and homes from those in dire straights and forcing people to work and live in disgusting conditions, all things Lauren is desperate to save them from.

As her eyes begin to open not only to her father, but the rest of the high society folks that she is forced to surround herself with, she begins to search for a way to make up, for the sins of the father, and to make her nanny and deceased mother proud. 

But Lauren’s own naivety, often causes more trouble than good, and she discovers that nanny Kat’s  words “kindness costs nothing.”  Don’t really live up to her own ambitions, for saving the orphans, she has becomes so attached too. 

What I love most about this book is how real and believable the characters are, Lauren has led a privileged life, she believes everything can be fixed with either the right words to the right people or by throwing money at it. At times you want to scream at her in desperation as she continues to make the same mistakes, failing to fully understand why her attempts to help are sometimes doing more harm than good. 

Likewise the people she helps don’t always fawn over her, they are distrusting and sceptical. They know, and learned early on that the world is a cruel place and that life is rarely fair, something that Lauren is only just beginning to understand. 

This makes the story believable and Lauren a lovable character, especially because of her determination. No matter how many times she fails, she just keeps on trying. And isn’t that all any of us can do. 

But with Lauren it means so much more, as she could so easily just give up and go back to her life of luxury and forget all the poor people and orphans that she has come to know, it would certainly be easier to do so. But instead she risks putting herself in the same boat as then, by going against her fathers wishes and trying to make their lives that little bit more bearable, she is a true heroin and someone we should all aspire to be more like. Because at the heart of it, her Nanny Kat is right, kindness costs nothing.

So if you are looking for a heartwarming read that will

Make you laugh, cry and inspire, then I recommend a home for unloved children, and I am very grateful to NetGalley, Rachel Wesson and her publishers for allowing me to read this lovely book for free, in exchange for an honest review. And I will certainly look forward to reading more by this author in the future. 

A love letter to Schitt’s creek

We find many things in life that help us get through the tough times. For me, one of those things has been Schitt’s creek. 

I was heartbroken when this show came to an end. Deeply Devastated, and since I’ve been spending a lot of time on the sofa, not allowed to do a whole lot because of my Crohn’s disease, it’s to this show that I have turned again. 

I love the characters, all of them, and how easily the residence of Schitt’s creek are to this mad cap bunch, who arrive there and make it very clear that it is the last place that they want to be.

But this town and it’s crazy residents begin to grow on the family and soon they begin to realise that perhaps they never really knew what real happiness was. 

I wish I had the rose families confidence, and that I lived in a place so accepting and loving and embracing of everyone’s differences. 

But it’s okay that I don’t, because I feel apart of Schitt’s creek whenever I watch it. And they remind me that sometimes, the best things can come out of adversity. 

If you haven’t seen the show it’s on Netflix and I highly recommend you watch it. 

This program helps us to embrace a world of difference and I feel it shows the love, joy and wonderful things that can come from a world where people are willing to love people for who they are whatever that may be, gay, straight, black, white, fat, thin, eccentric or bland, diseased or healthy. 

Because non of that matters and if all the wars and thing around the world have taught us anything, it’s that hate gets us nowhere. 

So pull up a seat, put your feet up and watch some Schitt’s creek. 

Laugh, cry and love with the characters, and then get on your knees and plead for more. 

Maybe if enough of us do, we’ll be rewarded. 

But even if we’re not, thank you to the cast, crew and everyone else involved in this awesome show, for making me laugh, and giving me a safe place when things get tough. 

And if you wanna create a real Schitt’s creek and move me in. Cornwall’s a lovely place. Just saying! O

Love and hugs 

Joss xx

Book thoughts: Gone before by Sam Hepburn

Blurb: ‘My name is Phoebe Locklear. I think I’m your daughter.’

I rehearse the words as I walk up the path, clutching a faded old photograph of a little girl with thick dark hair.

When I knock, the door opens, and there she is: the woman I believe is my mother. The woman whose five-year-old daughter disappeared fifteen years ago.

Had I known what would happen next, would I have knocked on that door? Would I take back the lives I’ve destroyed?

But now that I’ve started, there’s no going back. I can’t stop until I find out who I really am.

Even if the truth could kill me.

My thoughts: Mind blown! I have just finished this book, and OMG! New fav author anyone? Sam Hepburn is a twisted genius. I usually pride myself on being pretty good at figuring out what’s going on fairly quickly but Sam keeps leading you one way only to dupe you and throw you another. There are so many brilliant twists and turns that by the end you are gasping for answers, so badly hooked you might result to murdering someone yourself, if they dare to interrupt  you from the words on the page. 

I don’t even know how to explain to you what this story is for fear of revealing anything I shouldn’t. So the short and simple reply is this is a book about a very determined girl, who’s desperate to know who she is, and he discovers so much more than she bargained for in the process. 

If you love psychological thrillers, thrillers, family drama, or just reading in general, read this. This is the best book I have read in year and I will definitely be getting a hard copy, to go on my shelf’s as soon as it’s released. 

 I will also be devouring anything else that Sam writes. I so hope this is not her first book because I am not sure I can cope with waiting for another. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you to NetGalley, Sam Hepburn and her publishers for allowing me to read and advance copy. And please Sam, if this is your first and only book, hurry up and write more, I need way more of this in my life. 

A definite must read! 

Book thoughts: The girl who never came home by Nicole Trope

The blurb: They find her just as the sun is beginning to rise in the early morning mist. They had begun at dawn, the group of searchers keen to get going. A missing child spurred everyone on. In the end, it was a flash of colour, a bright neon pink that caught her eye. They had been looking for pink.

Nothing tests your faith like being a mother. The first time your children walk to school alone, their first sleepover, when they finally fly the nest. As a parent, you have to believe that everything will be OK.

It’s why, when Lydia’s sixteen-year-old daughter Zoe goes on a school camping trip, she has no idea of the horrors that will unfold. It’s why, when Lydia gets a call saying that her daughter has disappeared, she refuses to give up.

As she searches the mountains, her voice hoarse from calling Zoe’s name, she imagines finding her. She envisions being flooded with relief as she throws her arms around her child, saying, ‘you gave us such a scare’. She pictures her precious girl safely tucked in bed that evening.

It’s why, when they find Zoe’s body, Lydia can barely believe it. It is unthinkable. Her little girl has gone.

Something terrible happened, she is sure of it. Something made Zoe get out of her sleeping bag in the middle of the night, walk out of the warmth and safety of the cabin, into the darkness of the mountains. Driven by the memory of her youngest child, Lydia needs to find out the truth. What kind of mother would she be if she didn’t?

My thoughts: This is an intriguing tale, with interesting and complex characters that are believable and easy to relate too. 

Zoe is a beautiful vivacious girl, but she’s also a bully. When she goes away on a school camping trip, no one expects that to be the end, but when Zoe goes missing and is found dead, we are taken on a journey through the thoughts, fears, regrets, secrets and torturous guilt of all those who were there that night as well as those who were closest to her. 

Nicole lays out the story in a very clever way, allowing us to slowly discover the truth through a whole host of characters. 

Hearing their side of things, and seeing them struggle with what has happened, while also wrestling with their own sense of guilt and culpability.

There was not a single character that I felt wasn’t real, wasn’t really grieving or wrestling with their own involvement t or failure to act.

It also deals with some complex issues. In the modern age Bullying has gone beyond the playground, children can no longer escape to the safety of their home and gain a well needed reprieve. The bully’s are now able to follow them everywhere, attacking them night and day, in constant streams of endless abuse, torture and public humiliation, via social media and the internet. 

But that’s not the only danger of the internet, complete strangers can become anyone, and what a young girl believes to be a handsome Boy, could actually be a dirty old man. Children are easy prey and despite parents and teacher best efforts to teach the youth of today, to be careful, to be smart, they often get swept away by kind words, sweet promises and clever deception. 

Faced with all this how can today’s youth survive, do you know who your child is really talking too. 

Nicole deals with this issues beautifully and shows just how easy it is for the internet to play a devastating part in destroying lives.

I was hooked from the first page to the last and would definitely like to read more by this author in the future. 

A big thank you to NetGalley, Nicole Trope and her publisher for allowing me to read and advance copy of this wonderful book, in exchange for an honest review. I have truly loved it. 

Love and hugs all

Joss xx

My week in review

So another week another blog post. It’s been a week of surprises, few of them good. My mother surprised us all with the sudden revelation that not only was she getting a puppy from Bulgaria but that it was here. 

Flashback to the last time she’d been considering the same and we all warned her off. Not because she would be bad for a pup but because the pup in question was bad for her. 

First of all it had come from a hoarding situation, where a lot of inbreeding had gone on, you know mother’s with son etc. 

Secondly mother isn’t rich and had just struggled to pay vet bills for the dog she already had. 

And thirdly the puppies legs were extremely bowed and clearly in need of surgery. Very expensive surgery. 

You see where I’m going with this right! So we managed to talk her out of that and the girl who had the pup ended up rehoming it to someone else when she found out just how much that surgery would cost. Without telling the new owners, although how all these people couldn’t tell just by looking at the dog is beyond me.

And why the hell this rescue didn’t fix it before rehoming it, is also beyond me and that is my problem with a lot of these rescues from abroad. Once they have dumped and I do mean dumped the pup or dog in a home many of them wash their hands of it. 

Anywho, opinion already really low of this particular rescue mother goes and gets a pup from them after all, and keeps it a secret. 

They lie about the breed claiming it is a chihuahua x, bollocks it’s blatantly a teacup jack Russell, even the foster said it’s clearly a terrier, but of course they see it as a chihuahua will be easier to rehome. How frigging irresponsible is the frigging rescue. 

And then the fosterer, so they give this pup to a woman who has to take the pup to the vets on multiple occasions because her dog attacked it. And not only attacked it but attacked it enough on multiple occasions to leave scars, SCARS!!!! And now they have given this woman another puppy to foster, I mean what the hell! 

And then the pup! I have met a lot of puppies in my life, including terrier puppies in fact I have even had a few myself. And all of them when little have loved people and go excited by people, but not this pup and from what mum told me before meeting him I was expecting him to be scared. He is not scared, he is indifferent. Couldn’t care less that there are people there and when he is forced to acknowledge them he is more likely to bite than he is to wag is tail. And that’s fine, poor guy was dumped in a dumpster at about 2 days old. He’s gonna have some issues. But when one of the issues is snapping with intent, at children, with no prior warning, such as a growl or raised lip. The best home for this pup is probably not one with a woman who has 14 grandkids some of them very young. 

In fact, a responsible rescue probably would have held back in rehoming this poor pup, until a behaviourist has worked with it. 

Mother as usual is in complete denial. Everything is just fine, including the fact that one of her other dogs, the sweetest little girl ever, is so petrified by this little snap fest that she will not set foot on the floor when it is out of its crate. Now that works for now, while it can’t get on the sofa but what about once it can. 

Now granted she may just need time and will eventually get more confident with it, but what if she doesn’t,  because this rescue has a habit of washing their hands of these dogs the second they have dumped them on some poor unsuspecting smuck. 

This shit has to stop, these rescues have to be regulated. Not that long ago two vans full of pups, brought over from abroad by one of these rescues, were found to have parvo, despite all of them having passport and medical records which said they were healthy to travel. 

Saving dogs from anywhere is amazing but for the animals sakes it has to be done right and the dogs have to be matched with the right owners and get any behavioural issues worked on prior to being placed in a home. 

Some of these rescues are very good and do everything right, but unfortunately a large percentage of them don’t and more and more British rescues are being filled up with these dogs when they are already bursting at the seams with puppy dogs from this country. And a lot of these rescues don’t vet homes properly either. Now I know Bristish rescues can be OTT about their vetting process but a lot of those bringing dogs over from abroad have gone the other way, and do no vetting at all. 

They also need to be honest with people, about the breeds where possible, about the dogs character or any issues they may have, and about the risk of health problems. And ensure that if they are not going to deal with medical issues themselves that they need to make this clear to new owners and explain that as they know little about the dogs background there is a higher risk of the animal having health issues. Especially if they know the dog has come from a situation where there was a lot of inbreeding. Because if someone is low income then they probably shouldn’t be getting one. And if that person isn’t prepared to think about that themselves, than a rescue should be. And given that the lady who runs this one already knows my mother struggled to get the money to pay for her dogs surgery that wasn’t even insanely expensive surgery, there is really no excuse. 

Anyway rant over. Needless to say only time will tell what the outcome will be but it’s not looking great and this poor pup is gonna bare the brunt of that. 

Moving on, health.

Well I got my antibiotics and steroids again as you know and am pleased to say that I am back in remission at least for now.

I am still yet to hear if the Infliximab is working which has left me a little confused, as my IBD team have decided to double my dose even though they say they have not had the results back for the Infliximab trough and antibodies tests they did, yet. 

They also say they want to do a follow up review and that I may be referred for surgical input. But don’t say if that is for the stricture, which I assumed was okay now as it seems to have stretched seeing as solid food seems able to pass easier now, or for the inflammation issue. 

So I’m feeling pretty confused right now. 

Also they want me to go for another infusion in the next two weeks, though I haven’t been given an exact date yet, at the same dose as my last dose, when I wasn’t meant to be having another infusion until the start of November. 

Why can’t this people be a little bit clearer about things and you know, like maybe say why they are doing it, instead of just a random letter that tells you what they are doing but not why?

Anyway day by day I guess. And at least for now I am out of pain which is a blessing cause I was really getting to my breaking point where the pain was concerned. Oh and no liquid diet now, well at least not for the moment anyway. Although they are keeping the referral open just encase that changes and it’s deemed I do need it after all.

Kye and I have been pre-decorating envelopes over the weekend to save time and having to buy stickers all the time. We’ve kept it simple with mainly Kawaii designs but I think they are coming out quite good. 

Some examples below. 

Other that still haven’t been up to a whole lot dew to having to stay in bed rest for another week yet. But that’s the joys of Crohn’s I guess. Hopefully I’ll have more exciting things to tell you about soon. 

Love and hugs Joss, and remember stay health cause the alternative sucks!! Xx

Book thoughts: My sister’s husband by Nicola Marsh

The blurb: The sunroom at the back of the house is just as I remember. I can’t taste homemade lemonade or smell oatmeal cookies without thinking of home, of the beautiful cliffs of Martino Bay, and I feel welcomed. But all thoughts of a happy family reunion are destroyed the moment I see him… 

He’s as handsome as I remember: broad shoulders, piercing blue eyes, hair the colour of burnt toffee.

The man who once meant the world to me. The reason I fled eleven years ago. I’ve never told anyone the terrible mistake I made that night. The secret we share. I’m still haunted by the crashing waves at the bottom of the cliffs, the blood…

But what is he doing at my sister’s house?

And then I see her. My baby sister. She smiles, she tips her hand so I can see the ring. And his arm slides around her waist, pulling her close…

A twisty and emotional domestic thriller for fans of Liane Moriarty, Kerry Fisher and Sally Hepworth from USA Today bestselling author Nicola Marsh. It will keep you turning the pages deep into the night absorbed by every last word.

My thoughts: I devoured this book, desperate not to put it down, but to keep reading right to the end. Sadly, life didn’t allow that, as is so often the case.

This is a story of sisters and jealousy that passes from one generation to the next. Of secrets, lies and a little bit of crazy thrown in for good luck.

Brooke hasn’t been home for eleven years, having fled her home town, after one bad choice shattered her world and left her broken. Ever since she has roamed from place to place alone, and riddled with guilt, for the part she played in the death of someone she loved. 

Meanwhile her younger sister Freya struggles with grief of her own and the pain of having been abandoned by her older sister. And despite her aunt and cousin Lizzies support, and having a job she loves, a daughter who she adores and being newly engage, she still can’t quite shake the jealousy and animosity she has always harbored for her all to perfect sister. 

Raised by their aunt April, Brooke and Freya always felt loved, cherished and incredibly lucky. 

But when Brooke’s family finally call her home, all these years later, Brooke is determined to try and face up to the past she has fled from for so long. 

Only to find that the past isn’t finished with her yet, and that even the aunt she adored, isn’t as wonderful as she’s always believed. 

Full of surprising twists, and slow tantalizing snippets of revelation this book sucks you in and keeps you guessing to the very end. It is a brilliant read and a must for all lovers of thrillers, family rivalry and secrets and enticing suspense. 

I would definitely be interested in reading more by this author in the future and am incredibly grateful to NetGalley, the authors and her publisher for allowing me to read this amazing book for free in exchange for an honest review.

Book thoughts: five little words by Jackie Walsh

Blurb: When new mother, Laura Caldwell, opens the card dropped through her letterbox, she expected to see a heartfelt note, congratulating her on the birth of baby Shay. 

Instead, she sees a message that makes her blood run cold. 'Your husband is a murderer.' It couldn’t be true, could it? Not Conor, her adoring husband. He couldn’t be behind the brutal killing of local barmaid, Vicky. Not him. 

But while Laura fights to discover the truth about her husband, she’s also holding dark secrets of her own; secrets she’s spent years trying to hide. Could the card be a desperate attempt at revenge – or could her husband really be a murderer? There’s a tangled web between this perfect couple – and the truth might just destroy them...

My thoughts: This is a story of secrets and lies spread across generations. It’s not a fast paced read, but a slow unraveling of revelations. 

Laura newly married to the handsome, and wealthy Connor cannot believe her luck. But when a murder takes place in the small village she now calls home just as Laura and Connor should be at their happiest, with their new bundle of joy, Shay having been born, everything Laura had been so sure about suddenly becomes far less certain. 

Is Connor really as wonderful as she believed, what secrets is he hiding, but Laura has secrets of her own and so it seems do others on both sides of the family. 

Suddenly life becomes about who killed Vicky and whether Laura’s new husband is really a murderer. 

With some clever twists and plenty of intriguing leads. Jackie Walsh guides you through a twisted wed of lies and secrets, with cleverly crafted characters and an impressive understanding of human nature and the ingrained need we all have to keep our past buried, sometimes even from those we love most, and how often, even the most cleverly hidden secrets have a way of finding the light. 

And intriguing read that will keep you guessing from beginning to end and a must read for all lovers of psychological thrillers, family intrigue and the lies we try to keep. 

Thanks to NetGalley, Jackie Walsh and her publisher for allowing me to read this book in advance,  in return for an honest review. 

News in review

Yep it's that time again, I've not been keeping up with the news much to be fair, I find all the Covid stuff pretty depressing and confusing. But yesterday I heard a guy raise a pretty interesting point and thought we would discuss it today, because I realised the point he was making was very true indeed. At least for our area. 

So what did this guy actually say? Well, lets give you some context first, so they were discussing mental health and lockdown, and he said that he found lockdown really hard because he couldn't go to the gym or the pub, and that he tried working out at home but it wasn't the same, he didn't have the same motivation that he has at the gym and so he just didn't do it and his mental health suffered for it. And that he is worried, if we end up in lockdown again and they shut down all the pubs and Gym's his mental health with suffer. Which is fair enough and probably true, I mean I am not the sort of person who works out or get much out of going to the pub, but I know these things are important to some people. 

But that's not the really interesting part about what he said, no that came when he said "I have only heard of a few people who have had Covid, this year, but I have heard of loads of people who have committed suicide."

I'll just give you a minute to process that, because it takes a minute to really think about that. And that's what I did and I realised that actually what he said, was very true. Me and Sammy actually sat and worked it out, now bare in mind we are in Cornwall and we did really well here, and didn't get very many covid cases at all. In fact Sammy and I worked out that there was only one confirmed case of covid that we actually heard about locally. This wasn't someone we actually knew, but that we heard about locally. 

But we heard of 6 suicide attempts, many of which were heartbreakingly successful and some failed. All again locally. 

Now don't get me wrong I am not saying that we shouldn't have been in lockdown because I believe that we should, and that the government did the best they could in a very difficult situation. And that the mistake that was made was properly releasing the restrictions to quickly. But what choice did they really have. People were struggling mentally and financially, businesses were having to shut down. it was a mess. 

But I do feel that some exceptions should have been made, you know like for family's or friends to be able to visit loved ones who are on their own and have no companionship. Because can you imagine doing lockdown completely alone. It must have been awful. I mean it was hard enough when you had other people to talk to an interact with at home. Of course the problem comes when people take the piss and twist the rules to suit themselves and I think that's what makes it all so difficult. 

It is, no matter how you look at it a really difficult situation, because you can't possibly cover all possibilities or meet everyone's needs in a situation like this. 

What do you think? Have you heard of more suicides than covid cases since this all began? How do you feel about that? Do you think things have been handled badly? or do you think it is just an impossibly situations, in which it is impossible to know what is the right or wrong thing to do? 

Now this does connect to the news too, I'm not just going off of some random guys words, because there was a bit in the news today about a woman who was found dead by her 5 year old son after lockdown 'broke' her. The Metro's words not mine. 

So this lady was called Katie Simm's  and she was 32 years old. And her son was Archie. 

Now, Katie already had a phobia of going outside, and this naturally heightened during lockdown. Now her brother says that Katie had been struggling since her other brother Barry, took his own life back in 2015. 

Barry suffered from PTSD after serving in the Army. 

Now prior to this Katie had apparently been very outgoing and sociable but after Barry's death she started to shut herself away and developed a phobia of going outside. 

During lockdown, she was also unable to visit her parents. Due to health issues, on both sides I believe. But don't hold me to that. 

Now her other brother David says, that the family feel as if they have let her down. Which is heartbreaking, because realistically they were bound by the same restrictions. And having been suicidal in the past, way back when I was like 17, I know its not something that you really feel you can tell people about. It's a complicated thing, something that a lot of people feel they have to keep to themselves. 

Something that wrongly, we feel ashamed about. 

So what can we do about it? 

Well personally I think we have to stop the stigma around mental health. And that is starting to happen. People are becoming more aware and also realising that it can happen to anyone. 

I think where we are perhaps not getting this message across clearly enough is men, because a lot of the suicides I have heard of this year have been mostly men. 

This whole men don't cry bullshit that has been being passed around like gospel for years, by well men, has to stop. Men can and should bloody cry, we all need a good bloody cry sometimes. 

Men really need to start being advocates for other men. Because until they do, I don''t think we are going to see the number of male suicides fall. 

What do you think? 

Well I am going to leave this here for now, But I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments. Friendly discussion only please. And don't worry about your spelling, grammar or if you've got all your facts right, we don't do that shit here, no ones perfect after all. 

Love and hugs 

Joss xxx 

My week in review

Little bit late with this one but it has been one hell of a week. 

So first off the biggest feature of this week was pain. Lots and lots of it. The stricture was still giving me hell, but the pain was so bad my doctor was convinced it was more than just that so Friday I was rushed in for an emergency blood test to find my inflammation levels were through the roof. 

Bye bye remission. So I’m now back on the full course of steroids and the strong antibiotics. 

My week had mostly been about trying to stand the pain and not cave in and head to the hospital for lots and lots of lovely morphine on tap. 

COVID is thankfully helping me stay at home too, as my head nurse is trusting me to decide what I can cope with, so as not to put my weakened immune system in the firing line. Although I’m sure they’d do everything possible to keep me safe should I have to go in. 

Now I just have to hope the steroids and antibiotics do their job. 

They’ll also be looking at what effect if any the Infliximab is having beyond making my hair fall out and if it isn’t working, changing me to a different Chemo drug. Oh I wonder what delightful poison they have lined up for me next. They’ll also be putting me on a complete liquid diet, at least they will give the dietician ever gets around to actually ringing me. 

In other news my lovely loopy lu aka Ludo turned 9 on Friday!!!!!

Here he is strangling his sister. We got him a cute little oinking pig, a brand spanking new chicken ball, his fav toy, which has started to look a bit flat lately, and lots of yummy treats. 

He was absolutely made up with it all, and the pigs oinking is marginally less offence to the ears than the squickers. 

Here’s Ludo the day after we got him. 

This ones when he just started going out for walks

Him being his little old crazy self. Wearing his sisters bows and being absolutely over joyed about it.

And his old chicken ball, with him sneaking to grab it when I was trying to get a pic. It doesn’t look this healthy anymore. (The new one is late in arriving grrr , hence this old picture of his old chicken ball) but I know he’ll be made up once it decides to arrive. 

And here’s his new pig. 

He used to get a lot more toys on birthdays and such but Dan gets grumpy if I buy too many now as he says he has more than enough. Problem is Ludo isn’t really destructive with his toys, so once he has them they tend to last a very long time, until general wear and tear takes them out. 

Tweeters also got some new toys, not because it was his birthday, we don’t actually know when his birthday is, but just because I saw them and thought what the heck. 

A guy/gal on eBay was selling a bundle of birdie toys and a fish tank net, what a fish tank net has to do with birds I don’t know, tweeters would be most disgruntled if I tried to net him with that, but any £4 for this lot, what a bargain. 

I mean there are way to many to fit in his cage in one go, I know I tried, but still we can chop and change every wit and trip for a bit of diversity. I mean I’m sure even canaries get bored with the same old toys all the time.

Shopping has been a big feature of this week, I mean what else can you do when your on complete bed rest. Mostly though I have been sticking to stuff I actually need. Like a whole load of new clothes, because all my other ones are hanging off me, thank to all the weight loss. The one plus point of Crohns’s!

So new tops, trousers, jumpers, cardies and knickers. And OMG I needed the knickers so bad the only thing keeping the old ones up anymore was the crutch of my trousers. It’s a good thing I’m not a skirt wearer or I’d have been in trouble. 

Did I tell you about the time I flashed the Asda delivery man, scarred him for life. There he is going about his business and suddenly there’s a middle aged fat lady dropping her trousers and flashing him. 

I mean to be fair it wasn’t intentional, I just forgot to hold onto them as I stood up, and next thing I knew they were round me ankles. I was mortified. You’ve never seen a fat person move so fast I can tell you. 

That was the first time I accepted defeat and decided it was time for some smaller outfits. 

Any who, it’s been going okay, accept when that cow bag snuck in and last minute bidded me out of the cutest top ever. There were some choice words spat out  then I can tell you. I’ll give her her dues though, woman most have nerves as steel cause I held out till 8 seconds was left on the clock before chucking mine in, she must have been sat there till there was just 2 seconds left on the clock or something. Now that’s bulls. 

Still doesn’t stop me hoping she’s got a fat neck and it chokes her as she try’s to get it on though. I mean I don’t wish it bad enough that she dies or anything, just enough that she regrets the purchase and resells it. I’m not a complete savage ya know. 

Have you ever had that happen to you though, on something you really really wanted on EBay? It absolutely sucks!

What else? Dan went to try and get an exhaust of the doner car at the weekend. Only to find the one on the doner car was more rotten than ours lol. 

So he’s been on eBay looking for a new or second hand one, whatever he can find really that won’t completely break the bank. 

Other than the panel that got smacked up by the hit and run guy, that’s the only bit left to replace on the car now. But Dan still wants to sell it once he’s got those bits done :( men have no loyalty. 

I love our car, it’s the best one we’ve had but men always get bored and want new toys don’t they. They’ll be tears when he does sell it, mine of course. 

He wants to get a pickup truck next, I’m not keen. It’ll be a double cab, but I’m still not keen. I like out regular four by four. 

Our regular 4x4 for those who don’t know. 

If you like it watch this space as it’ll be for sale soon. He’s had loads of work done to him, all the rotten metal replaced and so much more besides. So you’ll get a good few years out of him. And make me very jealous lol. 

Well I think that’s pretty much it for this weeks, week in review, stay safe and healthy all.

Love and hugs

Joss xxx