Wednesday, 6 January 2016
I haven't done one of these posts for a long time, but figured what with it being a New year, I needed to get back into some good habits when it comes to my blogging.
So, how am I feeling at the moment about my writing? Well, if I'm honest, overwhelmed is probably the best word.
Since I started home educating my son last year, my writing has really taken a hit. Trying to find the time to sit and work, on top of lesson planning and 24/7 with my son has been a real struggle and often when I get to the point of actually working on my current WIP, I am so exhausted that I worry what is actually going down on paper is just pure drivel.
For this reason, I have tried to keep it simple by setting myself a really simple goal of just getting 6,000 words done a week. I figure that by keeping it simple, I won't feel too overwhelmed and will actually achieve a higher word count because of this.
When my son first started school a fair few years back, I really felt that my writing career could finally take off and I guess in a way it did. I mean, I finished Insane Reno and got it published which was an amazing and incredibly exciting experience, but having to pull my son back out of school, because of his behaviour and the fact that he was getting more and more behind in his education in that environment, has pretty much reverted me back to where I was, when he was a toddler. Only then having my son around all the time was nothing but joy.
I love my son to pieces, but I sometimes do feel resentful for his poor behaviour and the fact that my time is now spent constantly trying to coax him into learning. Each day is a battle of wills and good days are often few and far between.
The thing is, I choose to be a mother and sometimes that means you have to do things you'd rather not. Like pushing your career to the back burner.
We are currently in the process of trying to work out what exactly is going on with my son. We're pretty sure he is on the autistic spectrum and so I am hoping with a diagnosis we may find ways to work with him that will make things a little easier.
Currently, most of my days are spent trying to figure out ways to get him interested in learning, whilst trying to develop lesson plans that are simple and easy for him to do, yet at the same time ensuring that he is actually learning what he ought to be. This isn't easy, especially when dealing with his constant outburst, which can see him lashing out at me both physically and verbally.
In essence, I am just exhausted. I feel like a failure not only as a writer but as a mother and I also feel incredibly alone.
So that's me, I'm afraid it's not a very positive post this time, but it's my reality right now, so what can I do.
love and hugs all