Wednesday 6 January 2016

IWSG post.



I haven't done one of these posts for a long time, but figured what with it being a New year, I needed to get back into some good habits when it comes to my blogging.

So, how am I feeling at the moment about my writing? Well, if I'm honest, overwhelmed is probably the best word.

Since I started home educating my son last year, my writing has really taken a hit. Trying to find the time to sit and work, on top of lesson planning and 24/7 with my son has been a real struggle and often when I get to the point of actually working on my current WIP, I am so exhausted that I worry what is actually going down on paper is just pure drivel.

For this reason, I have tried to keep it simple by setting myself a really simple goal of just getting 6,000 words done a week. I figure that by keeping it simple, I won't feel too overwhelmed and will actually achieve a higher word count because of this.

When my son first started school a fair few years back, I really felt that my writing career could finally take off and I guess in a way it did. I mean, I finished Insane Reno and got it published which was an amazing and incredibly exciting experience, but having to pull my son back out of school, because of his behaviour and the fact that he was getting more and more behind in his education in that environment, has pretty much reverted me back to where I was, when he was a toddler. Only then having my son around all the time was nothing but joy.

I love my son to pieces, but I sometimes do feel resentful for his poor behaviour and the fact that my time is now spent constantly trying to coax him into learning. Each day is a battle of wills and good days are often few and far between.

The thing is, I choose to be a mother and sometimes that means you have to do things you'd rather not. Like pushing your career to the back burner.

We are currently in the process of trying to work out what exactly is going on with my son. We're pretty sure he is on the autistic spectrum and so I am hoping with a diagnosis we may find ways to work with him that will make things a little easier.

Currently, most of my days are spent trying to figure out ways to get him interested in learning, whilst trying to develop lesson plans that  are simple and easy for him to do, yet at the same time ensuring that he is actually learning what he ought to be. This isn't easy, especially when dealing with his constant outburst, which can see him lashing out at me both physically and verbally.

In essence, I am just exhausted. I feel like a failure not only as a writer but as a mother and I also feel incredibly alone.

So that's me, I'm afraid it's not a very positive post this time, but it's my reality right now, so what can I do.

love and hugs all
Joss xx



26 comments:

  1. Hi Joss.
    I take my hat off to you!
    Wow! Finding a balance between writing and parenting, not forgetting the million demands of day-to-day living...now that's a REAL challenge.
    Plus you've already completed and published a book.
    I think you've done well!
    Don't be so hard on yourself.
    You MUST give yourself credit for the accomplishments!
    Welcome back!
    Happy IWSG Day!

    Michelle@Writer In Transit January Co-host

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    1. Thank you Michelle, I normally managed to stay more positive, but getting my son back to work after the Christmas has been a real challenge and incredibly draining emotionally. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment I really appreciate it.

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  2. Sorry about the obstacles. It's so good that you've put your son first, but I can see how hard that would be. Hopefully as he ages he will be able to work a bit more independently. And at least by high school most places have some really good alternative programs. 6000 is a perfectly good goal, so best of luck with it!

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    1. Thank you Hart, I'm not sure we will ever send Kye back to school though. The school experience was really tough on him and if nothing else he has been much happier since he has been home schooled. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment, I really appreciate it.

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  3. It's so important about what you're doing for your son. I remember when I started my first novel back in 1984. I was raising 5 sons, had two jobs, and yearned to write. It was hard finding the time. Probably why it took me 7 years to write my first novel. Don't fret, Joss. You'll do it. You have the desire. Just don't be too hard on yourself if it takes awhile.

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    1. Thank you Joylene, I suspect it may take me 7 years at this rate, but I will keep, keeping on and try to stay positive as much as possible. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment, I really appreciate it.

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  4. I'm sorry you're having to face such hurdles. I don't know much about autism, but I remember someone saying once that the key to turning his kid around was to teach him in a way he understood rather than conforming to traditional methods. I'm sure there are many resources online about how to teach someone with autistic tendencies.

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    1. There are lots of great resources and I am slowly working my way through the different methods trying to find one that works with my son. I know that eventually we will find what's right for him, but in the meantime it can be very tough. Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment, I really appreciate it.

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  5. One homeschooling mother to another, I feel you. I have 4 kids at home--15 and in college now, 10 and independent, 9 and a CONSTANT drain, and 9 months. #3 is the challenge of my life and so much of what you said rings true with me as well. We have to take a different approach with these unique children. They have so much to give, but they do take more than is often fair to those around them. Here's to self-sacrificing mothers and lives they save by giving according to unique demands. We are epic. =)

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment Crystal, it is so nice to know I am not alone :)

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  6. As a retired educator, may I say give yourself a huge pat on the back. You are, indeed, a fantastic mother! And you quite obviously are going to be a great writer, however long it takes. Your experiences will give you more fuel for characterization and plot twists! Hugs and good luck to you!

    Book Bling Blog

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    1. awww thank you Elizabeth, I really appreciate your comment. :)

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  7. A hat tip to you Joss for doing this tough but very necessary job. I hope your Strategy to do 6000 words a week works. It's still a good chunk of work and the words will add up.

    P.s thank you for coming by my blog.blogger comment is driving me nuts do I couldn't reply.

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    1. awww and thank you for stopping by mine. I am so far behind on my commenting right now it's unreal, although I am slowly starting to catch up :P

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  8. Kudos to you, Joss! As a retired elementary teacher, I have some idea of the challenges you are undertaking with your son. It is not easy, but you have your priorities straight. I'm glad to hear that you are trying to work out what is going on with him. He is fortunate to have you as a mother. Hang in there with your choices, and I do hope you can accomplish writing for you. All the best!

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    1. Awww thank you Fundy, I am just trying to keep on keeping on at present. Wow a teacher, until I started teaching my son I had no idea how tough your job is. I totally get why you need lots of holidays now :)

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  9. Happy New Year, Jossie! You are superwoman. Don't doubt it. I have found that personal struggles and issues, actually helps my writing along. Just because you spend less time on your writing doesn't mean what you write is bad.

    You are a good mother. Your first priority is your son, which is wonderful. Sure, things aren't great, but you are trying to find out what is going on with your son. If you know what the issues are, you can find him professional help that could perhaps help you find ways to help him in the future. Give yourself some credit. You are doing a lot better than you think.

    Wishing you a fantastic year.

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    1. Awww thank you Murees. I am feeling a lot better this week as I have managed to get a fair amount of writing done. Fingers crossed next week will go as well. If I can later use my experiences to help others feel less alone through my writing that would be great indeed.

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  10. Hello and happy new year. Many thanks for sharing your thoughts, best wishes!

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    1. Happy new year to you too, Blogoratti, I hope it's a great one.

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  11. I admire anyone who is a parent. It's a challenge beyond words.
    Hopefully you can get some answers, both to help you work with him and maybe to get some help. Just hang in there.
    And welcome back to the IWSG.

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    1. Thank you Alex, I shall do my best. :)

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  12. I know its a hard challenge for u but you are doing a brilliant job and u make me very proud.the way u cope with kye and your writing.u just need some proffesional help to find out whats going on with kye.and u are not alone u know i will always be here for u and kye lv u all x

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    1. awww thank you mum, I really appreciate it. :) love you too xx

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  13. I know its a hard challenge for u but you are doing a brilliant job and u make me very proud.the way u cope with kye and your writing.u just need some proffesional help to find out whats going on with kye.and u are not alone u know i will always be here for u and kye lv u all x

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  14. I have no idea how you manage to juggle everything with your son and also get any writing done. 6000 is an incredible amount. I haven't even written close that that amount and I have no distractions. Good luck and I hope you manage to find some balance.

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