No, I'm not talking rows of John Smiths growing out the ground either.
Although that might be quite nice, if you're a fan of John Smiths.
The type of bitter I am referring to is the kind that makes people, snap, snipe and generally be mean to each other. Although depending on how you handle your alcohol, I guess that could hold true for the John Smiths too,
What happened to manners? To just being polite? It seems to me that people are more ready these days to make snap judgements and snide comments, than they are to be polite or helpful in some way.
Do you know what is worse for me than the realisation that others do this? It's the realisation that I do it too and not only do I do it, but I am more prone to thinking the worst of others actions instantly, than I am of stopping to really take stock of what they are saying or doing in order to assess it for what it really is. Which most of the time, is not what I am misinterpreting it to be.
That's hardly concise, right! So let me try to explain.
If my husband say's to me "Why is the dog running around like crazy, did you not take him for a walk today?" I am more prone to think that he is about to attack me on the issue, than I am to think, he is just asking a general question. A question I would probably ask too, if I didn't already know the answer.
As a result, instead of responding "Yes, I took him out today, but it wasn't as far as normal because my pain levels were bad. Would you mind taking him outside for a game of fetch." I respond with an attack. Something like "Yes I took him out, what do you think I'm gonna do just leave him stuck in doors all day and do nothing with him. He's a Border Collie for frig sake, you'd bloody know about it if he hadn't been walked..."
Then hubby naturally comes back with his own attack, until we end up in a situation that for maturity level, can feel a bit like an old Laurel and Hardy moment.
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So why do I do that? I honestly don't know, but I do know that I don't like doing it.
I think we are so ready for attack these days, that we see it coming from every direction, even when it isn't, the result being that we end up attacking on a more regular basis ourselves.
So how do we stop? Again I sadly lack the answers but what I do know is that I want to try. So that's my mission right now.
- To stop and think before I speak
- to try not to misjudge situations and/or peoples motives.
- to be more polite
- and to try and do more good than evil (as they say)
Wish me luck and if you have any tips or tricks that may help me fulfil my goal. Please feel free to share. Cause I sure need them :)
love and hugs all
Joss xxx
Aw, I think you're right, it's easy to jump to the wrong conclusions. I think the first step is just knowing that you want to make a change in attitude, that you intend to think before speaking, etc. when I have a verbal meltdown, which isn't often, I usually feel crappy almost immediately. I almost always apologize for it, nothing wrong with admitting you've over-reacted.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you manage to be far more calm and collected than I do Millie. Well done! and thank you for the great advice. I will definitely try to take it on board.
DeleteI've heard it said that counting 1-3 before reacting to something negative prevents us from saying or doing anything we'd be sorry for later. Of course, that also means being present at every moment. Hard, but we can only try and begin each day.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a good idea. I had heard people say about counting to 10 but I always felt that I might come across as a bit weird if I did that. 3; however, is a much shorter and less noticeable pause, so I might have to give that a try. Thank you.
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