Express yourself

It Monday and for me that means it's time for the, Express yourself meme, check out others post here.

This weeks question: Is there anything  you'd like to change, or work on, about yourself, this year?

I've actually been thinking about changes a lot lately because, well to be honest, there are a lot of changes I need to make. 

The first of these is health related. When I had my son 7 years ago, it was decided that an epidural was needed, due to a very long labour that had left me exhausted. The epidural seemed to go well at first and was certainly a relief as it enabled me to get a little rest before the pushing began; however, a few days after the epidural I started to get sharp shooting pains, in my back at the site where the needle was injected. Over the years this pain worsened and I also started to get chronic back pain from just standing and walking. My mobility is now limited to walking very short distance, one room to another and I have to have chairs placed around the house to give me places where I can stop for a break when needed. 

I always had issues with weight even before the epidural. So much so, that as a teenager, bulimia left me so weak I ended up with double pneumonia and nearly died. Food was my constant enemy. An abusive childhood saw me, when possible, turning to food for comfort, then putting on weight and feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself. The result of which was my need to purge, which was achieved by forcing myself to be sick. 

My weight has been up and down for years but after having my son, it went up and up, until I reached a massive 38 stone,(532 pounds for my American friends) naturally my disability added to this. Having limited mobility and feeling sorry for myself because of that fact. I grew wider and wider. 

Then I decided to do something about it and lost 8 stone (112 pounds) relatively quickly. Taking me down to 30 stone (420 pounds). Then a difficult period in my life, saw me full back into bad habits again and the diet went out the window. 

I did get back to dieting again and managed to get down to 28 stone 2 pounds (394 pounds) and then fell off my diet again recently for several months due to some difficult times before Christmas.

By some miracle dispite no holds barred, binging, over that period, I have only gained 3 pounds and am now 28 stone 5 pounds (397 pounds.) but I am determined to get the weight down for good in the hopes that it will help ease the pressure on my poor back. So the bigest change I want to make this year is to lose the weight. I know I can do it, the right way now, the first eight stone I lost shows that. I also know it is going to be hard and that it won't happen over night. I certainly didn't get this big overnight to begin with. 

You know this is the first time I have ever openly come out and admitted my weight in this way! It's very scary but being honest about it is the first step in shedding it. 

Now according to the body mass index, for my height of 5ft8, I should weigh between  9 and 11 stone (126lbs to 154lbs.) That means I have to loss between 17 to 19 stone (238 to 266 pounds) yikes! I definitely have a fairly large battle ahead.

As I write this I wonder how many of you who read this will cringe with disgust. I don't blame you if you do. What I have done to my body is disgusting and that brings me to a question I have been being asked a lot lately. Why don't I just go to the NHS and get weight loss surgery? I want to cover this here, so it doesn't come up in the comments. 

I've thought about that option, of course I have. After all it does seem like an easier option; however, the NHS is funded by tax payers money. When people pay those taxes, I am sure the last thing they hope it will go towards, is an operation for a fat person and I don't blame them for that. No doubt their first thought is their own family. Secondly they might consider poorly children, cancer patience, or others who are sick through no fault of their own. 

The way I see it, my weight is my fault. Thus I am responsible for shedding it. That's not to say I think people who have the operation on the NHS are bad, I don't. In fact my sister in law had it last year and has lost massive amounts of weight because of it, as well as a lot of hard work on her part and it does take work, even when you have the op, because you do still need to eat healthily and exercise. 

But for me personally it is not a route I feel happy to take. I did this to myself and I need to undo it myself. On top of that, with my lack of mobility, I dred to think how much loose skin would be left behind, if I lost the weight as fast as you can, after the op. 

Loose skin is hardly anymore attractive than the fat. I hope to minimise that, if not irradiate it completely, by doing this the natural way. With healthy eating and whatever exercise I can manage. 

So that's change one, fight the flab.

                       

Change 2: be more productive. 

As a writer working from home it is so easy to get distracted by TV, books, movies, social networking sites and games and I do get distracted easily. I want to get into the routine of writing every weekday morning for at least an hour if not longer. 

My dream is to be a well know author and I won't achieve that if I don't get to work and stop procrastinating. 

                                 

Change 3: cut back on the smoking. 

Yet another bad habit that needs kicking. Trying to do that while dieting is never going to work but if I can cut back, then hopefully once I have lost the weight, kicking the cigs will be all the more easy. 

I'm doing this with the help of e cigs. Without nicotine in them and it's going okay so far. No promises on that one though what with the dieting lol.

Change 4: get past my anxieties and get out. 

I am so afraid to use my wheelchair in public that I stay in the car when ever I go out with my family, reading my book, while they go in the shop. 

It is horrible sitting there wishing I was with them but being to afraid to change it. 

People are cruel when you are fat, even more so when you are fat and disabled. The looks you get from complete strangers, because you are big and in a wheelchair crushes your self worth. 

It's destroyed mine. 

But I need to stop worrying what others think, because it is stopping me and my family from enjoying life, in the ways a normal family might. 

I'm not anywhere close to being confident enough to use the wheelchair in public, but last night I took a step towards being a little more mobile when I can't take my mobility scooter, and purchased some crutches. 

The hope is, that by using them when them I can take some pressure off my back. They will also give me something to lean on, when the pain gets to much and my legs start to turn to jelly.

Fingers crossed they help, if only a little.

So that's some of the changes I want to make this year. What about you? 

Love and hugs Joss xx

( ps. Being honest about my weight here was incredibly hard. So please try to be gentle with your words, should you wish to leave a comment. Thank you.) 

                      

Changes!

So my New Year intent was to be more productive and give more time to my family.

The writing is going better than it was but still not as well as I would like. I really need to stop letting other things distract me so much, but it can be really hard to stay focused at times.

Blogging has been the largest area of neglect, so I really need to fix that. I've just really been struggling for ideas of late, as to what I should blog about. That's never a good thing. I will try harder :) 

Spending more time focused on my family is going much better. I've been making a lot of Apple crumble and plan to knock up an apple and blackberry crumble later, so pics will be added of that. The crumble is so simple to make. So, it's a really easy way to make my boys happy, without causing me to much discomfort with my back. Plus it's doing something nice for them to show them that they matter to me. :) I've also just spent more time in general, having a laugh with them and playing games.

The iPad my hubby got me for Christmas is proving a real blessing  as sometimes sitting up, typing long posts or working on my novels with my laptop can leave me pretty sore, due to my back problems. With the iPad it's very easy to write in a more comfortable place.

I've also started my diet again it began yesterday evening with a healthy salad which was actually very tasty. 

And I was not even slightly jealous when CJ sent me a snap of his very scrummy looking dinner. Please note I did ask him to do so, as I was intrigued to see what this Mexican food he is always going on about, actually looked like. We don't have it in the wilds of rural Cornwall, at least not to my knowledge at any rate. 

As I can't eat this stuff myself now I may have to live vicariously through others. So if you want to leave a descriptive piece of writing in the comments, describing the deliriously Delilicious and oh so calorific meal you had. Please feel free, so that in reading it, I can imagine myself there munching in your place lol.

I have a serious junk food addiction. In the past, when I completely cut out the junk and beat the cravings for it, I enjoyed a weight loss of 8 stone. I believe that's around 100 pounds for the Americans out there but I may be wrong! 

My ideal weight would be 8 stone, so I have a lot to lose. 

I know for someone 5ft8 tall that is probably far to low, but it is the number I have in my head right now. Perhaps before I reach 8, assuming I succeed of course, I will feel that going to 8 stone is not actually a good idea or needed but right now my head is screaming for 8 so we shall see. 

I've had a lot of people ask me why I am choosing to diet the normal way given my current size. They all assume because I am so big that I would just go and get an op to make life easier. 

I know this is going to a hard thing to do and a long, long journey but, I do not see why tax payers should have to pay for my mistakes. That's not to say that people who choose to have a weight loss operation are wrong to do so. They have their reasons I am sure and losing weight is not easy. I just can't justify making others pay for my own stupidity. Plus how much better will I feel about myself if I am able to achieve this on my own. 

If I can do that then surely I can do anything!

Here's hoping I can pull it off and that in doing so it take some of the strain of my poor back. 

So that's what is going on with me right now. What are you guys and girls up to? 

 Loved and hugs 

Joss xxxx 

Risks in the rain.

Yesterday, lunchtime, my husband and I set out from our home to head down to Redruth at the bottom end of Cornwall, where our son had spent the weekend with his Granny and his Aunt Lisa. The weather wasn't too bad when we first set off and we even stopped, not far from home, to grab some lunch from the local Subway. Mmmmm melts!

When we were  about half-way between Launston and Redruth the weather took a nasty turn. The rain was falling heavy and fast, visibility became very poor, and everyone slowed down in order to stay safe in the poor conditions; everyone bar one man in a black estate car. 

We'd hit a part of the A30 that goes into single lanes and had been plodding along slowly with the other traffic for sometime, when out of nowhere, this black estate car shoots in front of us, narrowly missing oncoming traffic and forcing Dan to break hard.

I don't know if the guy was insane or in a wild rage....

...but, nearly being hit once by oncoming traffic didn't seem to be enough for him, as he repeatedly attempted to pull out, over and over again, swirving back in every time and riding on the driver in front's tail all the way.

Dan and I were mortified. Not only was this guy putting himself at risk, but everyone else around him. With the heavy rain the roads were incredibly wet and it was hard to see more than a few cars ahead, yet this guy was driving like a mad man. 

"He's asking for trouble," Dan said, "He's a crash waiting to happen." He added and I agreed.

We watched him shoot from behind the car in front, narrowly miss some more oncoming traffic and then ride on the tail of the next poor car ahead. 

Shooting past them after a few minutes and narrowly avoiding another head on collision. From that point on he was just red lights in the distance, still clearly on another car's tail and it remained this way till we came to a roundabout and the road opened up into a dual carriageway again. 

At the roundabout we caught up to him. He wasn't intending to wait long. That was very clear and we watched with horror, as he shot out again, when traffic was coming. By some miracle, he avoided an accident and Dan and I just sat there in complete shock. We've seen plenty of silly drivers in the past, but nothing like this guy. He seemed to have a serious death wish and to be honest, I was pretty happy that he was now speeding away from us and no longer putting us at risk along with himself.

We pulled away from the roundabout once it was safe and carried on our way. The rain had eased a little and visibility, although still not great, was a lot better than it had been. Rounding a corner, not far from the roundabout, we noticed cars slowing ahead then mud and trees across the road. 

"What the Hell?" I said, gazing around with confusion.
 

"The tree's have all come down off the bank." Dan said, but it wasn't that simple.

There was something big, up ahead, and cars were moving around it cautiously. As we got closer and the car in front moved over to squeeze beside the car, the reality hit. The black estate sat in the middle of the road, over the top of the white lines, facing us. It was completely trashed and you couldn't see inside for the smoke that had filled the car.

He had lost control on the wet road, mounted the bank, which was steep, traveled all the way to the top, taking out trees as he went, and somehow come back down and landed, facing the oncoming traffic. The car was a write-off, the driver, already pulled free and safely in the back of someone else's car.

He was incredibly lucky to survive the accident and it is a miracle he didn't take out anyone else with him; but, as far as we could see, no other cars were damaged. 

What possesses someone to drive in such a manner is beyond me, but I hope the accident he had is enough to make him think twice about behaving in such a manner in the future. He is incredibly lucky that he faired better than his poor car.

I don't want to be judgemental and assume he was just an ignorant fool; impatient, and in a hurry. I haven't walked in his shoes and I do not know his story. Perhaps something terrible happened and he was in a rage. We've all done or said something stupid when angry, after all; if not quite that stupid.

Perhaps he was a first time father and his wife was in labour and he was desperate to get there and see his child born, or maybe he was just an idiot who knows.

Either way, driving like that, in such terrible conditions was stupid and deadly. Anything could have happened and he could have killed himself and others. There is never a good excuse for risking peoples lives. Never anything so pressing. I just hope this guy has learned his lesson and is a lot more carefull in future.

Although I suspect he'll be minus a licence for a while now and rightly so.

I am just glad no one was seriously hurt and that my husband and I were safely behind him when his accident happened.

So have you ever witnessed something like this or been in an accident because of someone else's dangerous driving? I'd love to hear your stories of risky drivers.

Love and hugs Joss xx

The note by Angela Elwell Hunt.

                            

It is not often that I am deeply touched by a book in the way that I was the note. When I picked it up I really wasn't sure what to expect as it was one of my random long ago kindle purchases that I'd brought and forgot about.

The story begins with a plane crashing into the Tampa Bay, after problems cause it to burst into flames. In the crash of flight 848, all 261 passengers and crew are killed.

It is a tragedy of huge proportions and effects people from all over America who tragically lose their loved ones. 

But from the devastating tragedy a little ray of hope falls. In the form of a note, stuffed in a zipped lock bag, written by a father who in his last few moments of life wanted to some how try to reach out andreassure  the child he loved that he had not died still angry at them.

Jump to Peyton MacGruder, a journalist at risk of losing her regular column as the heart healer. Having spent a large portion of her life trying to bury her emotions Peyton is struggling to put feeling into her Column, a column that she took over from a woman who was an expert at expressing her feelings and giving a more open and honest view of herself to her readers.

Given a few weeks to fix sagging ratings Peyton cannot believe her luck when the note ins handed to her by one of her few remaining readers, who had found then note stuck to a post at the end of her garden.

Needless to say the story follows Peyton as she searched fro then rightful recipient of the letter with only the letter T to go on.

meet Angela Hunt the amazing author of The Note

She meets a lot of interesting characters along the way and their stories reached out and either tugged at my heart strings or made me want to murder them lol.

The book also succeeded in keeping me guessing and even earned a "you clever, clever woman," said alloud to the author when, a very clever twist came to play.

It is definitely a book about family relationship and forgiveness and though it is a woman of faith book you do not need to believe in God to enjoy it. Because religion is not thrust down your throat it is a very shuttle side note.

This book really spoke to me for a few reasons. I loved how clean and clear the story was, how well Angela builds her characters and gently guides you through there pain, emotions and character traits

They are damaged, yet beautifully people in their emotional complexity and they really helped bring the book to life for me because they were so belieavble. 

I also connected to the book because of my own troubled relationship with my parents. It made me question how I might feel if they died, given the huge void between us. I know my husband certainly struggled with his fathers death, especially given the nature of his death, because he felt angry that someone had not only taken his fathers life, but crushed Dan's hope that one day, his father would come looking for him, wanting to make amends for past mistakes. 

This book reminded me that life was fleeting and that we need to step up and try harder with the ones who love us. It is well worth a read and I am glad I picked it up at last.

Apparently others enjoyed this book too as it has now been turned into a film here's the trailer enjoy :) beware of spoilers. If you don't like them read it first then watch the trailer :)

So if you are looking for a heartwarming read, then this might be the book for you.

Love and hugs Joss xxx

The big off putter

I love reading people's blogs and friends Facebook posts, but lately I have seen an increasing trend in friends and bloggers using their social networking areas for shameless advertising. 

That's not to say all advertising is wrong. In moderation I think it is fine. Then occasional I liked a product so I want to tell you about it is not a problem, in fact it is a great way to find out about new fun tasty or entertaining items. Book reviews also are fine as I love discovering an awesome new book. Even if you get a product to try and love it and want to share that is fine in moderation. 

When it really irks me and if I am honest makes me sad, is when someone who once posted interesting and witty posts, stops doing this in favour of advertisement after advertisement. It feels as if they are selling their soul for a little extra money and you struggle to believe that they even like half of what they are posting up. 

When I go to a blog or read a Facebook post it's because I want to genuinely discover something about the people I follow, such as are they okay, how is life treating them, their exciting news and even the sad so I can offer a little support.

In short I want to know that, like me, they are human and not a senseless robot posting ad after ad. We all need to make money and I don't begrudge anyone trying to do that, but at least spread those ads out a little and fill the inbetween with some general info about yourself and your life.

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just being a grump lol.

Have a good day all.

Love and hugs Joss xxx 

Love = time

I've been thinking a lot lately about the importance of simply giving your time to the people you care about. Today, people can get so busy with life that taking the time to spend with loved ones can be difficult.

Even when we do have the time, we favour enduring ourselves and our own needs over those of the people we care about.

Christmas is a time, when many of us do give time to the ones we love; but, once Christmas passes, we go back to the same old routine of neglecting the ones we love.  

The result of this is clearly evident, when we look at high divorce rates these days. Very few people,  it seems, are prepared to put in the necessary work to sustain a marriage anymore.

I mention marriage specifically, due to a story that has been doing the rounds, all over the web, for sometime now. You may have read it already yourself, I know I have read it a few times, myself. Having read it again today, I was compelled to share it here on my blog. If you haven't read it, I hope you enjoy it and take something away from it. 

Before I share it; however, I just want to say this. In a world that can at times, seem so materialistic, remember, when you die, things won't notice your passing or morn you, things won't stand by your side, hold your hand and tell you they love you, and things are not worth nearly as much as the people around you. So, stop giving your time to things and instead give it to those you love, before it's too late, because you never know what tomorrow may bring. 

Love and hugs, Joss xxx 

Enjoy!

Marriage

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? 

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce –At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband…

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Author Unknown 

Is honesty always the best policy?

Ever since I was a little girl, I have heard people say, "honesty is the best policy," but, is it really?

How many of us can say that we have never lied. Don't we start lying to our very own children the moment they are old enough to understand Christmas and Santa Claus? After all, there is no big, round, jolly man, who slips down our chimneys, bringing our children gifts if they've been nice. No! It is us, their parents, who purchase and place the brightly wrapped gifts.

How many of us have told a friend they look amazing, when in actual fact, they look a little dodgy or told them they are in the right, when they have had a fight with their partner, even when we've actually felt that they were the one in the wrong and not their partner?

If we follow the rule that honesty is always the best policy, then surely we must confess the truth about Santa to our children and tell our friends that their behaviour is actually down right out of order, regardless of whether or not we will hurt their feelings.

Surely, the truth of the matter then is that honesty is only the best policy sometimes. 

There are obvious times when honesty is best. If you accidentally break something that doesn't belong to you, then you should be honest, as well as offering to pay for the item to be replaced,

if you do something that you know you shouldn't have, if you overspend in your joint bank account, perhaps.

The problems arise when we hit those grey areas, such as when someone you care about is putting other people out but doesn't seem to realise it. 

For instance, if you had a friend who was living with family and had been for several years and you know that the family members ( let's say a married couple with no kids) are making hints that they want there home back, yet your friend has become comfortable there. He/she doesn't understand that those family member might want their space back; that sometimes married couples just need their own space. Do you tell the friend straight out, gently try to hint like their family members are doing, or just say nothing and watch, as your friend gets hurt, as his family slowly starts to leave him out more and more?

What if a friends husband/wife is cheating on them and you become aware of it? Do you tell the friend and risk them becoming angry at you and possibly ending the friendship or is it best to say nothing and just sit back and wait to pick up the pieces when they discover the truth for themselves?

We naturally want to protect the people we care about, but it isn't always easy. So, what do you think? Is honesty always the best policy or is it in fact better to keep your lips sealed and hope for the best? 

New year intent

Every year, millions of people make New Year's resolutions. Few actually keep them.

For this reason, I am going to have intents instead of resolutions. 

My intent this new year is to become more productive. That includes more blog posts and more time checking out the posts of others, as well as more writing in general. 

Working from home, it's so easy to be distracted by pointless tasks, like checking Facebook, watching movies, playing games, and the call of a good book, while what should be my priorities get pushed to the side and put off as long as possible.

Of late, getting distracted has been a serious problem for me; so much so, I think my poor bunny is getting a complex, lol.

I seriously need to kick things up a gear this year and get some real work done; something my new iPad Air should make, not only easier, but far more enjoyable, too. 

How did I ever live without one?

(A big thank'ee to the awesome Dan Solheim aka the hubby for fulfilling yet another one of my present dreams.)

It is, in fact, because of Dan that I am determined to try harder this year. Since we have been married, Dan has worked incredibly hard to support us all; allowing me, in the process, to stay at home in the guise of a housewife, so that I could focus on my writing. 

Very few people get as lucky as me in that respect. A lot of writers have to work full time in order to survive then come home and write as not all men are as understanding or as supportive as Dan, not to mention the fact that in some households it just isn't financially viable for only one person to work. 

My dream, you see, and it's a big one, is to earn enough from my writing, so that one day, Dan can retire with confidence.This will definitely not happen if I do not get tough with myself and even then it's no easy task; because, let's face it, very few writers make enough from their writing to support themselves, let alone a family.

It's relatively hard for me to think of my work in a professional context, even now that I am published. Writing was just something I did because I loved it. It was an escape from life, a way to create a happier, better world than the one I lived in as a child. 

Had I been told back then that I would become a published author, I never would have believed it. Neither would I have believed that writing would at times, seem like a chore. 

Where once, I haphazardly slapped down words without care, now I must edit, revise, tweak, trim, and splice my work into a tightly written, perfectly structured, and grammatically correct masterpiece of fiction; something that flows well, captivates others, and doesn't have "and then" haphazardly dotted everywhere, as my childhood writing once did.

( Thank God for Chuck Jolly and his editing skills; without which I would be royally screwed, lol)

So, this year .....

I will be dedicating my time to working hard on my career and taking care of my family, especially Dan, because he deserves a lot more appreciation.

What's your New Year's intention? Leave a comment and let me know.

Love and hugs Joss xx

P.S. If you're aware of any anthologies or blog hops taking place this year, please let me know; either in a comment or via my email at jossie.marie@gmail.com

Happy New Year everyone! XOXOX