Monday, 6 August 2012

Life in the madhouse.

So it has been a while since I talked much about what was going on in my life, obviously I recently got my first novel Insane Reno published, Which is just a dream come true for me.

I don't think I really estimated, very well, how much work would be involved with Insane Reno actually being published, since it popped up on Amazon, I have just had non stop work, be it replying to emails, promoting, or working hard to get Annie the prequel finished and up too.

It  is all new for me and such a big learning curve that I suspect it is going to take a fair amount of getting used too.

Also this year I really had to start facing up to my disability, which quite frankly I had bee doing my best to ignore. When I had my son Kye, almost 6 years ago now, I was in labour for 53 hours, for I managed most of that  on  just gas and air, but then because of the length of my labour and my pure exhaustion, the midwives felt I should have an epidural, otherwise, I might not have the strength to push.

Now having an epidural is an incredibly scary thing, but oh my, once that needle is in and the medicine flowing, it feels so great, I even got to have a little nap. Sadly as we all know epidurals can be dangerous. What I didn't know at that they can cause your back to weaken over time. That is to say, I assumed if you were going to be paralysed by an epidural it would be instant.

However, that was not the case, after having my epidural, I began to get twinges in my back that were quite sharp, every so often, they gradually grew and grew over the years until they got to the point I am out now, unable to stand for very long, or walk very far without excruciating pain.

In order to obtain the small amount of mobility I still have, I have to use a wheelchair as much as possible, whenever I am doing anything that causes me pain. The idea is you see to keep the small amount of mobility I have in order that I will always (hopefully) be able to get myself in and out of the bath unaided, get out  of my chair to get into bed, and so on and so forth.

the mobility scooter I was using outside was something I had only just gotten used to when I was informed that a wheelchair would need to be used inside and as much as possible and I put off getting that wheelchair like crazy. I didn't want to admit it had got that bad, because I still wanted to believe that it would get better somehow.

The wheel chair was like saying it's all over now, at least in my head.

So I have had it a couple of months now and am slowly coming to terms with it. It helps that I have my lovely little loopy lu, who is slowly learning to be my service dog. As he is such a clown and always making me laugh, to be fair, Ludo is probably going to be one of the worst service dogs ever if I don't stop laughing at his naughty antics and start encourage him to stay focused and do the required task.

He is so smart and fast to learn but he does love laughter and if you laugh when he does something silly he will repeat it time and time again.
for instance, when I started working with Ludo to help me with the washing, I got it so he was helping me pull stuff out at first which he excelled at, then we naturally moved on to him pushing things into the machine, which he did half-heartedly, because lets face it, it's just not as fun and yanky things out. Especially when they are caught in part under other items and you get to have a good tug. But then Ludo discovered the good thing about helping to load the machine, once its full there is a whole new load of stuff to pull back out, the only thing he hasn't quite grasp, is that those things really need to go through the wash first, nope, Ludo just puts them in and starts yanking them all straight back out again as soon as it is full. I made the mistake of laughing and this game spread, I put something in the bin, trying to encourage him to help with this, he pulls it back out and waits for me to put it back in again, I put something away, ludo wants to pull it back out again. So we are currently working on his patience  and the fact that we are not just doing jobs for him to undo them straight away lol.

My other problem with Ludo is that I was determined he be a pet first and for most, I didn't want him to be able to go in shops with me, just help with things around the house and when we are out and I am on the scooter and drop things, So I kind of let him get away in the early days with him being overenthusiastic to get peoples attention. The result being that he spring boards up and down in front of people and spins in circles in front of them, because he has learned yep you guessed it, people laugh at this.

So we still have some wrinkles to iron out with ludo, due to my overly laid back approach with him lol.

Still he is making me come to terms with my disability a lot better.

the other thing currently going on in my life revolves around my husband and his Job, due to the recession the company my husband works for looks like it is set to go bust. We had discussed the possibility of Dan becoming my carer at some point to help me with the things I can't do, which Ludo can't help me with, and because should my back ever go completely while my son is at school and I am unable to move and not near a phone, how would I be able to let someone know I wouldn't be there to meet him off the bus and that is a very scary thought. With Dan home it means that, that never need be a worry. Due to the company he works for looking like they are going to go bust we decided now was probably the time to put that in action, but it is very scary as there are no guarantees as to how much help you will get with money and thus, so many questions regarding whether we can actually afford to take that route.

The reality is we are just going to have to go with the flow and try it and see, hoping that it all works out ok in the end, but it will certainly mean tightening our belts a fair bit.

Still I have faith that everything will work out okay in the end.

flash news:

De man my old Jack Russell cross (pictured above with his friend Flea lol) has really been struggling with his arthritis of late, so much so that when he stands still on the spot for to long his back legs shake like crazy. It's heartbreaking knowing that other than giving him his tablets we can not do anything to help. He doesn't seem to be in actual pain but it is not always easy to tell. I think I am going to take him to the vets and try and see if there is anything else they can do, if only for peace of mind.

Kye Kye, got his foot stood on by a horse, well I say foot but it more kind of scraped down his leg as you can see from the picture above, while staying down with his auntie Lisa. Lisa the wonderful person that she is knew exactly what to do and after soaking it in some water had him straight to A&E were it was xrayed and proved to be all in tack, if somewhat badly bruised and then followed up with a Happy meal from McDonalds as a reward for being so brave lol.

Kye Kye will be home with us at the weekend, I'm so happy as I have missed him immensely, but he has had a lovely three weeks with his Gran and Aunt, switching between the two and going on lots of great adventures.

Dan forgot to get the car tax, so we are currently without a car until he gets around to it. Which might take a while as he has to do it when he is at work, with the works van lol and they are only allowed to do stuff like that if they are working near to the post office. You think as he know longer has to pay for his tax disc, that he would be better at remembering to do it bless him.

I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo of course which so far is going ok, although I am not really feeling it this time.

well love and hugs all. Joss. xxx

1 comment:

  1. Joss, I'm sorry I didn't follow you sooner - I looked before for the Follow Button but don't think I scrolled down far enough. Congrats on publishing Insane Reno. You're on my TBR list. It's wonderful how you're so positive and uplifting after all you've endured. You're truly inspiring!