Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Sex before marriage, right or wrong?

Strangely, this is a topic which I have been thinking about a lot, lately. When I was younger I was pretty wild and I rushed through life not really stopping to think all that much about my choices. As a result I was having sex at a pretty young age.

So when I eventually met my husband I of course wasn't a virgin. I didn't think much about it at the time, I mean as far as I was concerned everyone was doing pretty much the same, I didn't know many Christians at that point and certainly wasn't a Christian myself and so, I was of the opinion that it didn't matter.

However, having grown up a bit since then, I now realise how little self respect I had for myself. My actions in my younger days, resulted from a lack of self worth and a need for the affection I wasn't getting at home. Things were difficult in my family at that time.

Needless to say the young lads hoping to get their ends away had plenty of affection to offer at least until the deed was done and I craved that.

I didn't understand love back then or how wonderful real love was, but now I have a much better understanding and as a result I wish I had waited for my Mr right, before jumping into the sack.

I would hate for my son to go on and do to girls what other boys did to me when I was younger, because quiet frankly it was cruel and it is far to common these days. Boys and Men play on others emotions in order to get their end away and it isn't right. Sex should be between two people in love, especially the first time.

My first time wasn't a choice, but it did set me up for a lot of bad choices later on, as it destroyed any self respect I had, had for myself, you see I was raped when I was 12, by a man who had claimed he was going to teach me to do defend myself from my mothers abusive boyfriend, when really all he was doing is trying to get me to open up to him, in order for him to work out if I was likely to go to the police or not, once he deemed that I wasn't, he set out to do the very thing he had claimed he would help me protect myself from and in a far worse way than even my mothers partner had.

The reality is that life is cruel, but do we want to protect our kids from everything cruel in life, or just leave them to discover it for themselves in far more painful ways.

I therefore think it is very important to encourage the young to wait until they are married to have sex. To understand that it is a very important step in our lives and should only be done with someone that we trust and love. I can't change my past, but I want to save my son from breaking girls hearts left right and centre and if I had a daughter would want to protect her from that too.

If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I never wouldn't trust any man who claimed they wanted to help me, not until I was a hundred percent sure that they were genuine and I wouldn't offer myself up on a plate to anyone who was nice to me. I would instead, wait for the right man, the man I wanted to marry and I would also wait until our wedding day, because how much more special would that day be if I had.

Something's in life, I feel are worth waiting for and that is certainly one of those things, it isn't something we should just give away, willy nilly without a second though, it is something we should treasure, God knows what is good for us and what is not, why do we have to be so blind to it.

So what do you think, sex before for marriage right or wrong? did you do it, do you regret it, if so why? If you waited are you glad you did, or do you wish you hadn't and why?

love and hugs all Joss xxx


  1. I'm a Mormon. Mormons are in favor of sex between a husband and wife, but not before marriage. And not to anyone else besides who you are married to.

    1. I think it's better if you wait till marriage, I think it should be something that is special between you and your husband. :)

  2. I also believe sex should be saved for marriage. But, there is a far more serious issue here: You were raped, a crime severely punished by law. You were a child and manipulated into not going to the police. Not your fault. Actually, none of this is your fault. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Circumstances beyond your control pushed you. Don't beat up on yourself!!! There will always be a traumatic scar, but I strongly encourage you to see a professional counselor -- the rape will never go away, but there are support groups to help deal with this hideous crime. You've endured much and your post really touched my heart. Lots of hugs!

  3. I don't think sex should be necessarily saved for marriage, but it definitely should be shared with someone you trust and love. You're brave to tackle this subject and survive what has happened to you. I, too, had a lot of bad things happen to me in that manner and I didn't lose my virginity willingly. It set me up for a lot of bad choices. Yet with my husband, everything is different. We love and trust each other. It makes sex that much better.