Now I have been working really, really hard to overcome my anxiety disorder, but this just seem like a step way to far for me.
There will be loads of people there I haven't seen for years, not since I was a teenager, and who have certainly not seen me in the flesh, since way before, I gained all my weight and ended up in a frigging wheelchair.
The though of going to her wedding, in my wheelchair, is making my anxiety go through the roof.
Heart palpitations anyone?
I don't want to ruin her day, but I honestly don't know if I can cope with a day that essentially throws all of my biggest fears at me, all at once.
I have considered every possible way round it from...
Dosing up on pain meds and trying to use only my crutches. (Which I know will work for all of 5 seconds before I am a ca lapsed heap on the floor.)
Suddenly becoming a devout Muslim so I can wear a burka.
I also tried to convince Sammy, to pretend to be me for the day, (free food and drink right!) but she didn't think that would work. I guess it probably wouldn't help that a fair few of those attending A) know Sam, and B) saw me recently enough to know there's and obvious size difference.
So what do I do? Do I force myself to go and end up an emotional, wreck, sitting outside, unable to go in, became I'm having the mother of all Anxiety attacks which I can pretty much guarantee you, will be the case, or do I not go and feel like a horrible person, whose really let my sister down.
I really don't know what to do peeps, so I'm calling on all you lovelies out there in blog land for advice.
So in the words of the beetles...
Alternatively you, you could all just harass Sammy Bell into submission. Well it was worth a try.
Love and hugs all